Friday, December 18, 2009

MY SECOND WINTER (fantasy) ENCOUNTER WITH TOMA: let's go have dinner or something~ ♥

(, saw a part of the Everybody Loves Raymond episode where debra is frustrated about writing the children's story...."i suck. good night." lol....and now i'm trying to get in writing mode, in a sweet/dreamy mode, but it's kinda tough to make that transformation anytime....but i'm really RUNNING OUT OF TIME, so i've gotta start this NOW. GAMBARIMAS!!!

2009 december 07 )

here we go again!!! :D

[jan.17,2010 edit:

i first thought of ideas for this story on nov.22, 2009!!
after reminising about my story f/last yr, i realized it was soon the 1 yr anniversary and i suddenly came up with some good ideas. though i really dread the long writing process, but since i had some really cool ideas, i decided: "I HAVE TO DO THIS!!"

after that, spent a lot of time looking for pics of locations i was gonna use and brainstorming....i thought up and also got rid of a lot of ideas...hai!

BUT i am way behind schedule on writing this, unfortunately, i got sick and things kept getting in the way ( = it's not my fault!!), or i was lazy and wasted a lot of time doing other things (hounto gomenasai!! x_x). GOOD GRIEF, I'M GONNA REALLY BE MAD AT MYSELF IF I DON'T GET THIS DONE IN TIME. BUT I THINK I MIGHT STILL BE ABLE TO FINISH IT ALL AND POST IT ON DEC. 21, IF I SERIOUSLY CUT BACK ON UNIMPORTANT THINGS LIKE EATING AND SLEEPING. XD seriously...i may need a christmas miracle to get this done in time. lol.

DON'T WORRY, THIS FANFICTION WILL BE MUCH SHORTER THAN LAST TIME. and i'm not gonna try to put certain things in, so i think it'll be a better, more natural read. hopefully.

ALSO, i am writing it by hand this time, then typing it up, so sorry if there R typos, and pls tell me if u see any (comment below), and i'll fix it. =)

............SO! HERE ARE THE BASICS U NEED TO KNOW, IN CASE U HAVE NOT READ THE 1ST STORY: (those of u who already have, ARIGATOU!! dewa, pls skip this part!)

-OH, RIGHT. IF U HAVE NOT READ MY SUPER LONG STORY F/LAST YR, U SHOULD STILL BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND AND ENJOY THIS FANTASY!!!!!!! (but if u could read it later, that would make me really happy!! thanks! :D) (jan7 edit: BAKA, I FORGOT TO LINK TO MY 1ST FANFIC!! HERE IT IS:

-this is an interactive fanfiction. i have not met toma (yet!). so just pretend that "me" is you and ENJOY!!

-because most of u and i cannot speak japanese, this has to be written in english, though of course u know toma can barely speak it/understand it in real life. just pretend that u're speaking japanese, but i've translated it to english.

-also, pretend u can read/write japanese pretty well, cuz u mostly kept in touch w/toma thru email!

-however, i like sticking in some japanese phrases now and then. check out the vocab list below for the translations if u need it! (sorry if i make any mistakes, i am trying to learn japanese, but i still know very little. a lot of it is taken f/dramas or video clips i've watched of toma...pls correct me if u see any mistakes!)

toma=toma and me=you!
ANYTHING WRITTEN IN ( ) DESCRIBES THE SITUATION, or MEANS YOU'RE THINKING IT. or other stuff...should be self-explanatory.
ANYTHING WRITTEN IN [ ] is my explanation of something. or other stuff...should be self-explanatory.

-oh, there are numbers like this sometimes in the text: (2). it means that this part has an explanation...a special reason i wrote this, or it was an idea i got from a tv show, or whatever...anyway, i'll also get that list up soon....

-12/22 EDIT:
IT WOULD BE GOOD IF U HAVE THE JAN. 2010 WINKUP ISSUE, which is featured in my please do buy it if u can!!! ^_^

ok, i think that's it...
I MADE FOR EVERYONE (and for me as well)!!!!! *__*

2009 december 16


MY SECOND WINTER (fantasy) ENCOUNTER WITH TOMA: let's go have dinner or something~ ♥

(sketch of toma's bedroom that toma drew. :P credit: TFS)

22 december 2008. 9:03pm

(in toma's bedroom. he is sitting on his bed.)

After sending me the thank you text message, toma flips close his phone. then he picks up the kinda thick red envelope i gave him earlier. he takes out the contents and continues reading my long letter to him. he smiles as he's reading it...

[pic of the path to the meiji shrine,]

22 december 2009. 2:49pm
(on the long path lined with big big trees, the way to the meiji shrine. there's not a lot of other people on the path. it's quite peaceful's cold. it must be around 50 degrees F (10 degrees C), but the sun is shining bright.)'s nice to feel the warm sunshine on cold winter days like this...i had just stopped walking for a moment to take a picture of the path, when my cellphone chimed. i got it from my bag and flipped it open.

toma sent me a text message!! it says:
i'm free this evening...let's meet and have dinner or something! ^o^
wait for me next to hachiko-kun, at 6pm tonight.


i immediately text him back:

i'll be there! ~_~

(your name)

[hachiko is a famous loyal dog in Japan. his statue is at 1 of the exits @shibuya station. it's a popular meeting spot.]

i flip close my cell phone. AH-HH!! SO HYPER & HAPPY THAT I FINALLY GET TO SEE HIM TONIGHT!! he's been busy since i arrived in tokyo a few days ago... luckily, i won a roundtrip airplane ticket to japan from mitsuwa marketplace, or i might not even be able to come here this year to visit him for xmas. (if u don't live near one, replace this w/some other japanese store, or Japan Airlines or something.)

it's been exactly 1 yr since we first met in that CD store on that rainy day, in shibuya. but i'm glad, today is a rare tokyo winter day with no rain, just some pretty, big and soft clouds drifting by in the sky. toma and i have been keeping in touch all this time, through email, our blogs, and sometimes long phone calls. it's only been 1 yr, yet somehow, it feels as if we've known each other for all our lives.

we get along so well, and we have a lot of things in common. such as... we both like to stare at the sky sometimes. we both don't like eating shellfish. we both sometimes obsess over minor details that no one else notices. etc... [this is really what i have in common w/toma. think of what u and toma have in common and replace it if yours is different f/mine. =)]

Though toma's been super busy this year (as he's said, it's definitely the BUSIEST YR OF HIS LIFE!), he still somehow remembers to email me often, even if he doesn't say a lot sometimes. even when he's super busy, he'll send something, even if it's just a few sentences, like "just finished filming for today. i'm ti~red! going home to sleep now." it's been so amazing and exciting to be able to (in a way) be a part of toma's life...being able to share in his happiness and also his worries... being able to personally cheer him on like this. especially because of all the breakthroughs he's had this year!! i'm really so proud of him. and being one of the lucky ppl (somewhat) close to him, to know before the public knew, that he is gonna be in a movie....that made me so happy. both because he's gonna be in a movie for the first time, and cuz he let me know ahead of time, this HUGE news.

we have really become close this year....i already feel so grateful and happy that we can be friends, i actually don't hope (or dream) that i can be toma's girlfriend that much anymore. and cuz of this, i am more comfortable and straightforward when talking (mostly writing) to him. i'm really proud of myself, being able to accept the reality that we cannot be together for so many reasons. first: WE DON'T EVEN LIVE IN THE SAME COUNTRY. haha. more importantly: HE'S TOO PERFECT, TOO CUTE, TOO ADORABLE, TOO TALENTED, TOO FUNNY, TOO COOL.... TOO AMAZING!! He deserves someone prettier, more gentle and sweet. someone who really understands him and who can be there for him when he needs moral support or to comfort him when he's sad...also someone who can take care of him and cook good food for him...just be the PERFECT GIRLFRIEND for him, cuz he certainly deserves a PERFECT GIRLFRIEND, RIGHT??someone a lot better than me. besides, toma is focusing on his career right now, he's said it himself, he does not want to have a girlfriend right now. (though he does want to be married by the time he's 30!!)'s been like this for a year now. it's been an unforgettable, amazing year for both toma and i, for different reasons (and also the same reasons, since if he's happy, i'm happy)...i look forward to many many more years of friendship with toma-kun. ^_^ (almost!) nothing could make me happier.

[ Hachiko at Night, Hachiko Crossing 2]

5:10pm @Hachiko exit

it's freezing! it must be in the low 40s F ( close to 5 degrees C). but i'm dressed warmly and have a scarf and gloves, so it's not so bad. (0) i told myself i wouldn't come too early, but i can't help it. i'm so nervous, i had to come way early. i can't be late no matter what!!

as always, it's very very crowded here at the shibuya station. there's also a lot of other ppl waiting for their friends, dates, whoever, all around me. i look around me, admiring all the shiny christmas decorations and lights.... i look at my watch. it's only 5:11pm. i take out my mp3 player and put on my earphones. and i notice that there's a nice thin crescent moon above me in the night sky.

6:20pm @hachiko exit

i'm staring at my phone. i kept looking around, but he's still not here. and he hasn't called or texted me. i keep staring at my phone. nothing. i look at hachiko-kun, as if he can tell me where toma is. he blankly stares back at me, as if to say "sorry, i don't know!" i lightly pat him on the head. then it got real windy suddenly, and some flyers and pieces of newspaper flew by and landed in front of me. "don't get up, i'll clean it up for u, hachiko-kun" i thought, as i went to pick up the papers. i was crouching on the ground, gathering them, when i looked up and saw toma!! kita!

as he was running towards me, it seemed like the huge crowd dispersed enough just especially for toma. KYAA!! he looks so cool when he's running ne. with a serious look on his face, too. i forget what i'm doing and just stare at my eyes, it's all happening in slow motion, him running towards me. and in my mind, i hear that song, "you are everything, and everything is you. you are everything, and everything is you..." (1)


toma reaches me, cheerfully says "konbanwa!", smiles, and starts helping me pick up the papers. (2) i shake my head, snapping myself out of slow-motion mode, and pick up the rest of the trash. we put them all in the trashcan nearby and i get 2 hand wipes f/my bag for toma and i.

toma: arigatou. (wipes his hands) gomen, i'm late. (2.5) i forgot that i had to go somewhere first today...

me: daijoubu. i haven't been here long. (sneezes)

toma: (smiles) u're totally lying. (concerned) i'm sorry, u must have been waiting in the cold a long time.

me: iie, it's ok. i had hachiko-kun to keep me company. (smiling, i pat hachiko on the back)

toma: (smiles) sou deska? (scratches his head)

me: i really like your hair like this, toma-kun! kakkoii! (i wish i could ruffle his hair a little. it looks so nice and soft and full!) [toma's hair is like this in my mind...well...more like the 1st pic...i picture toma wearing something plaid inside, too. haha...(of course, u can picture him having a different hairstyle if u wish!!)

dec.30 edit: actually, his hair is more like this in my mind now. totally!! closer up, too, can see his hair more clearly. love love his hair here:]

toma: (smiles) thank you, i'm glad i don't have curly hair anymore! (laughs)

me: demo...u don't have a hat or glasses or anything. ii no ka? now that u're so popular...

toma: iya, daijoubu. i can usually get around unnoticed most of the time. (3) i want to look nice today ne. u're dressed so nicely, i can't lose to you! (laughs)

me: thank u...but if they recognize u and i'm with you...i don't want to cause any trouble for you...maybe we should go somewhere with less people...

toma: (puts his arm around me, his hand on my right shoulder) shimpai sona. if they wonder who u are, i'll just say u're my cousin or something. (laughs) (4)

me: EHHHH... (toma's touch!! i feel warmer...and go doki doki!!)

toma: (lets go of me and looks at his watch) i've got reservations at this stylish/cool restaurant nearby. we're a little late. iko ka?

me: hai!

we make our way through the this blur of people, xmas lights, so colorful and luminous...and all the sounds of ppl and cars and trains and ads from the big's about a 5 minute walk. (5) i still haven't gotten used to chaotic shibuya. though if it's toma, i'd follow him anywhere!!

[PARCO building, ]]

we go in the PARCO building and take the elevator to the 8th floor. while in the elevator alone with toma, i feel a little embarassed. i dunno... being in a small enclosed space with him....why does even THIS makes me so happy?! lol. maybe it's cuz i'm so close to him, i can smell his Gucci perfume. he really smells ama~zingly good!! (6)

suddenly, i sneeze again, startling toma in the silent elevator. "gomen!" i say. toma says "it was really cold outside ne? don't worry, i'll warm you up!" i stare at toma...toma realizes what he just said, and quickly says "ya, ya, ya! i mean, the restaurant! the restaurant i'm taking u to will be warm." we laugh at this, but i think my face must be a little red now!

[the den rokuen-tei, credit:,]

6:33pm @ Den rokuen-tei restaurant

we walk in to the restaurant. uwa!! it's a really stylish/cool place indeed. a little dark, w/a green, nature theme. and it's sleek and minimalist, a big space with big windows that look out to the bright, colorful city below. we're lead to one of the tables next to the windows. we sit down and i continue to look's a little crowded, but not uncomfortably loud. of course, it's kinda warm, too. =)

me: sugeh! suki des!

toma: deshou? i eat here sometimes...well, for special occasions.

me: it's really awesome! i'm sure the food is delicious too.

toma: hai! my knowledge of good places to eat, it's one of my strong points! (laughs)

me: definitely! (laughs)

we look at the menu [here's the link to the actual menu!, choose whatever u want, if u don't like what i chose!] toma orders (i dunno...maybe the Grilled sirloin of black port with miso) and i get the Sesame salad of Kyoto potherb mustard and Yura chicken. it's a little expensive, but toma said don't worry about it, he's paying. :P

me: (admiring the view) *sneezes*

toma: eh! matta?

me: warii! hounto ni, i don't have swine flu, don't worry! (laughs)

toma: (laughs) if u do, and u pass it on to me, the hanamizuki and the ningen shikkaku directors won't forgive you!!

me: seriously, though... you've been working non-stop this year. i'm worried for your health...what if u really do catch it...

toma: eto...of course i'm worried like anyone else about H1N1, but really, i'm quite healthy! amazingly, i haven't gotten sick in a long time...besides, while i'm working, really makes me happy and gives me energy, to be able to work with so many wonderful people to create good dramas and movies...

me: ah-hh, i'm really envioius!! and speaking of your movies...jan! (i pull out of my shoulder bag, the ningen shikkaku book w/toma on the cover. this is what it looks like:

toma: eh! u remembered to buy it! (cutely) arigatou neeee!!

me: of course, u kept asking everyone to buy it on tomagoto! (laughs) but i like it. but i do like it. i'll read it. and i'll proudly display it in my room. kitto! i'll aslo try to buy some of dazai's other books with u on the cover. you're the first actor to appear on all of an author's works!! omedetou!!

toma: (cheerfully/modestly...) thank u, thank u! i have many copies of the ningen shikkaku book w/my face on the cover in my room, too. (laughs) (he picks up the book that i just put on the table and stares at himself on the cover.) ah...sometimes it still seems like a dream...i can't believe i am really a part of such an important, wonderful piece of work.

me: you're the most important part of this movie, toma-kun! i'm really so incredibly proud of you!

toma: (smiles, embarassed, scratching behind his left ear) iie, the wonderful director and staff...i couldn't do it without them! (touched)...ah, wakkateru yo! u were crying when i called u to tell u i was gonna be in a movie ne...

me: (embarassed) just a little! i couldn't help it. (really emotional) and when i found out more about the novel, i was overwhelmed!! your first movie role, and it's a leading role. and such a famous, tortured soul from a piece of classic literature... yokatta! hounto ni!

toma: (touched) souka souka...(thoughtfully holding his hand (fist) near his mouth)

me: (proudly, happily) all of your fans and i...we really are so happy you could be in this masterpiece!! you must know that, toma-kun!! we're all so excited for you. it's a shame many of us don't live in japan, so we can't go see it in a movie theatre, though. but i still bought an advanced ticket to keep as a souvenir of toma-kun's brilliant achievement! [the advanced tickets look like this: and i they come w/something called "stroke of the pen tags" that look like this:]

toma: (touched, smiles) i know...i'm happy that they're happy for me. i'm really grateful to all my fans for their love and support. sometimes, people come up to me in public, saying they're a fan and will definitely watch ningen....ah, ureshii des! it's alright, just knowing that you and my fans all really want to go see my movie already makes me very happy!!


[kate @dec.24: SORRY, ONLY A LITTLE UPDATE. JA, I'M NOT A VERY FAST TYPER and still have some editing to do AND TOMA AND YOU TALK A LOT IN THIS please be patient....but i'll definitely post up more today!! now it's dinner time though. ja ne!!]

[btw...i'm gonna add this to the appropriate parts in the story too, but just so u can picture things better... =)

toma's hair is like this in my mind...well...more like the 1st pic...i picture toma wearing something plaid inside, too. haha...(of course, u can picture him having a different hairstyle if u wish!!)
toma's expressions/gestures:
[pursed lips]
[the lip-touching... the fist to mouth...]
toma's shoulder bag might look something like this (f/Voice):]

me: (looking at toma, seriously) hounto ni...i think if dazai-san was still here, he would also think that toma-kun properly represented oba youzou in the movie! zettai!

toma: (looks down...modestly, quietly) iya... i wonder... (looks at me) kedo, arigatou ne!! i hope so... really, i'm so grateful i could be in such a wonderful movie.....they really believed in me.

me: i always knew you could do it, toma-kun!! i never, for one moment, had any doubt that u would not be able to play this role of oba youzou. even if he is a very strange and sad man, with such a tragic story.

toma: (cutely purses his lips like this:, and smiles) that's what u often said in your emails to me during the time i was in kyoto, filming the movie. i remember many phrases like "ikeru yo!" and "gambarre!!" and "i believe in you!!" (looks intently at me) reading your emails always cheered me up and gave me some energy~ arigatou!

me: (ah, toma's gaze!!) (thoughtfully) mm...yokatta na! i was really worried about u then, actually... afraid you'd get too in character and become all depressed. thank goodness u didn't!

toma: (thoughtfully...lightly touches his lip w/his finger) sou sou... ore mo! but in the end, everything went smoothly, the staff was wonderful and i really enjoyed the experience! now just have to wait until it's actually shown in theatres...

me: i really think you will win an award for your role in this movie, toma-kun!! kitto!

toma: (humble, shaking his head "no") masaka...

me: and i think this movie will win many awards too...ahhh, i can't wait to watch it (on my computer)!!

toma: (smiles) please look forward to it! yoroshiku onegaishimas!

Our food is ready. the waiter puts down the plates of food in front of us. ah~ it looks and smells delicious!! we say "itadakimas!" and start to eat.

me: oishii!! :D

toma: (cheerfully) deshou? that's why i like coming here.

me: mm! (suddenly, i remember something and stop eating.) ano...matte kudasai!

toma: (stops) eh?

me: (take out my digital camera) ii no ka? i'd like to remember this dinner with toma-kun... so can we take some pictures together, with our food too? (laughs)

toma: souka. (smiles) iyo.

me: doumo! (i try taking a pic of us f/ a high angle above the table. we smile and lean near the table, over our plates. *click* it's a little dark, but i'm not using the flash. too risky, here in a crowded place, to call attention to ourselves. then i use the self-timer for a shot of us and the nice view outside the window. toma pouts in that cute way he often does (like in his and kaori's cellphone pic:, and i make a thumbs up sign and smile. *click*

me: ok! thank u, toma-kun! (i check to see how the pics look) ii ne.

toma: can i see?

me: douzo. (hand him the camera)

toma: (looks at the pics) yappari, it's quite dark...

me: mm...daijoubu.

toma: (gives me back the camera. cheerfully) don't worry, we'll have more chances to take pics together soon.

me: sou deska?

toma: (continues eating, casually) ah. maybe at the mall or something later. it'll be brighter there.

me: (excited) hai! (eh!! i get to go to the mall with toma! i wonder where else we're gonna go together tonight...)

We continue eating and drinking... (oh, we ordered soft drinks. me: 7-up and toma: coke or's up to u!! [ OH, AND WHILE WE'RE HERE, WHEN 1 PERSON IS TALKING, THE OTHER IS EATING/LISTENING, SO THOUGH IT SEEMS LIKE WE'RE ONLY TALKING, WE ARE ACTUALLY DOING BOTH... =) ] i stare at the deep blue glasses our drinks are in... and it reminds me of the sea. i remember some things i want to ask toma...

me: (quietly/nervously) ne, toma-kun...

toma: (toma's cutely drinking f/his glass w/a straw, like this: nani?

me: (kyaa!! so cute!! and i love it how toma says nani so sweetly...) (embarassed, looks down) i'm really curious...ano...about your Seaside Motel movie...eto...what did u mean when u said there's little bed scene, and that it's a little ero??

toma: (crosses his arms) souka...(then, quietly, in a suggestive, sexy whisper) are u sure u want to know? (leans forward)

me: (*blush* and doki doki!!! quickly-) nevermind, i'll find out when i watch the movie!

toma: (bursts out laughing) i'm just kidding! really, it's not what you'd expect. (mysteriously) just wait and see ne.

me: souka! (TOMA, YOU TEASE!! :P) (pouting, then another question--) ... well, what about your Hanamizuki u like acting as a fisherman?

toma: iya... it is more difficult than i thought!! it's one thing to fish for fun, but if it's your job, it's hard work! and it gets messy too. and u smell like fish all the time. and u get really tan. luckily i'm only pretending to be one, but still...i don't like it. don't tell anyone that i complained about it, though. (laughs) but for the rest of the filming, gambarimas!

me: (but if it's toma, i'd still like u, even if u were a stinky, tan fisherman! lol.) ohno must be really jealous of u, though!

toma: hai! after the movie was announced, he called me and said, "even if u got this role, you'll never be as good as me at fishing or golfing!!" da-te sa. (laughs) but he did give me some tips on how to be more fisherman-like. (smiles)

me: that's right, u said u wanted to play golf more...

toma: (nodds) sou des. i admire people who are good golfers ne.

me: me too, though i am no good at it...well, i used to like tiger woods, but not anymore. (frowns) seite!!

toma: sou desu. i was surprised!! he seemed like a nice guy...


me: guys that have affairs...ryuusadenai! it makes me glad... that toru (toma's character in majo saiban) did not betray kaori. demo...i kinda wanted toru and izumi to be together eventually...

toma: ma...i suppose toru did like izumi, but very little...chot, chotto. (makes a small C-shape with his hand) ...but he's a good boyfriend. (serious look on his face, and looks at me) dakara, he would never do anything to betray kaori. kitto.

me: mm! (nodds) that's why i like toma (!!!), i mean, toru, so much!! (*blush* baka!!! @_@)

toma: (laughs, cutely) arigatou~!

me: (quick, change the subject!) ano...has toma-kun been called in to be a lay judge yet? (drinks some water. eh, i feel so warm...!)

toma: iie. but i'll be fully prepared if i am chosen! (laughs) yappari, i'd be worried if i'm making the right decision or not though.

me: i've had jury duty's a lot of pressure, being responsible for deciding the fate of a person... but i'm sure toma-kun will make the right decision. just remember to THINK TWICE! (laughs) [i really have had jury duty, but if u haven't, just ignore the first part of the sentence.]

toma: hai! (laughs) by the way, the blue THINK TWICE t-shirt i gave u--
[like the one kaori wears in their cell phone wallpaper pic! edit: oh, it can be any color u like most...i think it came in all kinds of colors...but the ones i remember are blue, red, orange, white, and yellow?? something like that... dec.30 edit: oh, they are orange, yellow, grey, blue: (paige's screencap! ^_^)]

me: (interrupts him) daiskii!! actually, i'm wearing it right now. (laughs) but cuz i've got a lot of layers of clothes and my scarf too, so u can't see it.

toma: sou deska? (laughs)

me: hounto da!

toma: (smiles) when majo saiban was still airing, sometimes i'd see someone wearing the THINK TWICE t-shirt, in the streets. somehow, i got all excited. hai~ [the last sentece, an actual toma quote. toma often gets excited for no reason, but this is a good reason, right?? haha.]

me: did u ever wear a THINK TWICE shirt in public??

toma: yada! but kato-san (izumi) was joking that we should all wear the t-shirts when we show up at VS ARASHI. (laughs)


toma: (cheerfully) ah, ore mo!! ^_^

me: iya, kato-san is funny... and kawaii. but she looks a lot older than u in the drama, though she's only 26.

toma: and her personality is like an old lady, too. (laughs) she's said so herself!

me: (scratches my head) nande?? why are they always pairing up toma-kun with older women?? this year, it's been reiko (Voice), izumi (majo saiban), some women in ningen, and the lady in Seaside!!

toma: (leans his head on one hand, like in the ningen flyer:
sou de na...maybe because i'm so mature for my age? (laughs)

me: i don't know, but i don't like it... toma-kun should be paired up with pretty actresses around your age, or at least younger! ...even if in real life, u have a lot of crushes on older women!

toma: (pouts, and protests--) sonna jun nayo! i don't like older women only...just that the actresses that i have crushes on...the kawaii, nice and gentle ones...they often are older than me...

me: (even when u were in high school, u liked a senior student, toma-kun. [he said this in some interviews, but turned out she already had a boyfriend!] ah...doushitte??) (matter of fact-ly) dakara...i think your future girlfriend will be a lot older than you.

toma: (blurts out!) no, she's not! she's around my age! (...!!! EH! realizes what he just said and covers his face w/both hands, really embarassed) mou...

me: (shocked!! stands up) EH!! YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?!!!

[kate @dec25: WAH!!! DOTTENKOKU YO!! (SHOCKING!!) what a cliffhanger, right?!
from now on, the story moves faster and lots more doki doki moments, so please look forward to it!! onegaishimas!! ~_~ MERRY XMAS, EVERYONE!!♥ i'll update SOON, probably...sumimasen, for my intrusions in the middle of the story like this one...i'll try to not do it too much!!]

(kate @dec27: sorry i made u wait...let's continue!! sumimasen, i will be borrowing some ideas f/hana kimi a little bit in my'll see...i just love nakatsu so much, and i still kinda think of toma = nakatsu, so...i guess that's partly why. haha...)

toma: (quickly stands up, pushing me down by the head, like nakatsu did w/mizuki) baka, ryuusei!!

me: (we're both sitting down again, i'm still in shock) sumimasen!

toma: (quietly, shyly, looking down at the table) iie...demo sa...there's someone that i like. we met...(hesitates) during filming. kedo...she doesn't know i like her.

me: (sadly, curiously) ano...who is she? (this pain in my heart!! ='( yappari, it hurts to know he likes someone!!)

toma: (pouts) mou, this is embarassing... (hides his face on 1 arm on the table)

me: (trying hard to pretend that i'm not sad) come on, we're friends right? you can trust me! i won't tell anyone...i just want to know who the lucky girl is!! (smiles) hounto ni, i'm happy for you!

toma: (sits up and smiles at me) arigatou.

me: (cheerfully) ja, let me guess... it's that staff-san that made u go doki doki! (7)

toma: iie!

me: well, is it an actress or a staff member?

toma: (smiles) not telling!

me: ja, it must be one of your co-stars...Gakky?? it's her right?

toma: chigao! (sighs) u won't stop until i tell u something else about her right...iyo. all i'll say is...(purses his lips, thinking for a moment) her name has an "A" in it.

me: what kind of clue is that?! oh, i know, Gakky (ArAgAki yui)!

toma: (laughs) u already said that!

me: (laughs) sou des. eto....
(but Detective (yr name) will figure it out!! aiyaaaa. so many of his co-stars around the same age as him have an "A" in their names. there's inoue mAo. mAki horikitA mou, koboyAshi ryoko (shiori in Maou) mou, ishihArA sAtomi mou, kAto Ai mou, higA mAnAmi mou!!! and even if he said HER, i'm not ruling out the guys either. lol. so there's sAtoshi ohno, mAtsumoto jun, eitA, yAmAmoto Yusuke (kayashima in hana kimi), tAnAkA kei (kasai in maou)...good lord, he's been linked w/so many guys....and of course, there's yAmAshitA tomAhisA!!! the most likely person, and he's got the most "a"'s in his name!! lol. ...well, at least i can cross oguri shun off the list! even if i do like many of these actresses and actors, it'd be hard to accept it if she/he is really dating my toma!!! but of course, it's not like "if i can't have him, no one can!!", that kind of extreme feeling! haha.)

toma: (looks at me, as if reading my mind) you won't be able to guess. it's not who you'd expect ne. so, just give up, kudasai. (smiles)

me: ah, souka... (confused) demo...naze? i thought you had no time for a girlfriend now, since you're focusing on your career?

toma: (thoughtfully, staring out the window) that's what i thought. so even if i kind of liked someone, i would not do anything about it... but when i started filming for's a pure love story ne. filming those happy, carefree moments of youth and feeling the sweetness of a first made me want to have my own memorable love story. i want to be someone's boyfriend for real, not just while filming for dramas or movies.

me: (awww!! he is just too sweet!!) ah...wakatta. even though you haven't told her, i'm sure she likes you too, toma-kun! shimpai sonna.

toma: (turns around and smiles at me) thank you...i hope so...

Toma's cellphone rings. the ringtone is Yamashita's Loveless. toma takes out his cellphone f/his shoulder bag, says "sumimasen" to me, and answers it.
[toma's shoulder bag could look something like this (f/Voice):]

toma: (smiling sweetly) moshi moshi?

I continue now, we're both almost finished eating.
and i think i know who he's talking to....

toma: iie, i can't tonight. sou sou. next time, then. ja ne. (flips close his phone)

me: yamashita-san desu ka?

toma: (surprised) hai! how did u know?

me: the ringtone, and cuz u looked so happy. (smiles) dakara~

toma: (a little embarassed) souka.

me: (i rest my head on 1 hand, thinking...YAPPARI, IT'S YAMASHITA!! even though he said "she", but that's cuz he wants to keep it a secret that he likes yamashita... but if it's yamashita, then i am really, truly, so happy for him!! they really belong together! best friends and soul mates....ah...yamashita is so lucky!! toma really loves him so much... ~_~)

toma: (your name)-chan?

me: (looking up) mmn? (trying to say it like the staff-san that made toma go doki doki!)

toma: doushitta?

me: ah, nandemonai. (smile) but seeing how close you two are, i wish i also had such a good friend that i've known since childhood.

toma: (thoughtfully) sou desu. i don't know what i'd do without him. this guy...he's a special person to me. (scratches behind his ear, shyly) if i was a girl, i think i'd have to marry him! (laughs) he would be a good husband, i think... (8)

me: (IT'S DEFINITELY HIM!! how could it be anyone else?? detective (yr name) has figured it out in record time!!) (hyper) when you hugged yamashita at his concert in november!! that was so sweet!! i can just picture all tomapi fangirls screaming and crying!!

toma: (a little embarassed) eh...maji des? (smiles)

me: (touched, looking at toma seriously) hounto ni, ureshii des! ...when i saw you 2 together again on stage. singing yokubou no rain!!! and so in sync and having fun...just like when you two used to sing together seemed like you two were never apart.♥♥ kanzani~

toma: (cheerfully) iya~ it was really fun!! i can't believe it's been 7 yrs since we last sang together.... for our fans and for ourselves as well, we thought we HAD TO sing yokubou no rain!! (thoughtfully) i'm really happy for that guy. he's so popular and successful now. he's come a long way... his first solo concert. and he'll be in Code Blue 2 soon. he's quite busy. it makes me think, "i can't lose to him!" (smiles)

me: i'm happy for yamashita-san too, toma-kun. he's had some breakthroughs this year. but you...! (quickly, in 2 breaths!) toma-kun was in 2 dramas, 3 movies, some CM's, you got to be on a magazine cover by yourself for the 1st time, you got to be the first junior to be interviewed on shounen club premium, u got a leading role in a drama for the first time, u got a leading role in your first movie, AND you're the first actor to appear on all of an author's books!! trust me, this year, YOU WON! (laughs) OMEDETOU!!

toma: (tilts his head, then nodds, humble) ma...

me: (hold up my glass, cheerfully) to toma-kun's success this year! and for your continued success next year. kampai!

toma: (cheerfully) ah, arigatou! (holds up his glass-- and we *clink* it together and take a drink)

me: (look down at our plates. they're almost empty.) thank you for this lovely meal! it was really delicious! (slightly bows)

toma: iie. (smiles) oh, want some ice cream?

me: (would i?!) i'd love to! ^.^

Toma calls the waiter over and orders the green tea ice cream and red beans monaca for us. (red beans monaca might be some kinda crispy cake w/red bean filling...i looked it up...:P) a few minutes later, they bring us 2 small, pretty, fancy glasses of light green ice cream and red beans monaca. sugoi~! me and toma both open our mouths wide like little kids and put a spoonful of ice cream in our mouths. and we both say "oishii!" at the same time! lol.

i look at he is eating his ice cream, he's got this cute, silly look on his face, like a little boy!! :D though i'm sad that i can't be his special someone...but if i his friend, share simple, happy moments like this with toma-kun, then i already feel content!! kanzani. what more could i ask for??

me: (almost finished eating...looking at the pretty glass it's in...) ii ne...

toma: ano...(yr name)-chan?

me: (looks up, sweetly) mmn?

toma: (closes his eyes, with an annoyed look) mou, yamerou. i know you're doing that on purpose!

me: (laughs) gomen. nani ga? (i see he's done too.)

toma: (opens his eyes) eto...i know u said earlier, we should exchange christmas presents tonight. (i nodd) so, i've picked a nice, quiet spot for us to do so. we'll go there first and then go to the mall, ok?

me: hai~ where are we going first?

toma: (smiles) you'll see! it's in Hiroo.

me: eh... (i only know that's in minato-ku, and tokyo tower is in that area...)

Toma pays for our dinner and we head outside again...and it's COLD. maybe around 30-something degrees F (a little above 0 degrees C!) we can see our breaths.

toma: (suddenly) oi! i'll race you to the shibuya station! this way, we can warm up, too!

me: EH?!

toma: START-o! (starts running)

me: chotto! (starts running after him) i didn't agree to this!!

As expected, toma runs FAST. even if it's very crowded here right now, he weaves through the crowd so fast!! i can barely keep up... really looks so kakkoii when he's running (even f/behind)!! and so, we run through the crowds, all the colorful lights and sounds around us become a blur as we rush by...

7:47pm @Hachiko exit

I won!! though i was behind, toma slowed down for some reason, and i won!! i see toma coming now...but he still looks so happy despite losing!

me: (breathing hard, hyper) I WON!! (jumps up and down)

toma: (breathing hard, whining) ah...masaka... (cheerfully) omedetou!! ^O^

me: doushitta? u were ahead, then you slowed down??

toma: (looks right and left, in a nervous/suspicious way) iya... i thought i saw someone i knew, so i was distracted...

me: (disappointed. ah, he let me win.) souka. yappari, i didn't really win.

toma: (smiles) no, it still counts! u ran fast! and you were right behind me... (seriously, looking intently at me) you were...always behind me. almost beside me, all along.....(cheerfully) arigatou! sugeh tanoshi des!!

me: (staring at toma, i'm so touched by his words...) toma-kun...
(ah... i'm so happy we could be friends too, toma!! and i'll always support you, i'm always behind you!!)

toma: (smiles) urssh, yaro! follow me! (playfully pulls me along, towards the station entrance, by the strap of my shoulder bag)

me: (laughs) not so fast! (trying to keep up with him...and he laughs and lets go just as we're inside.)
Shibuya.St in the Hachiko Entrance at the Saturday Noon_061209_004
inside the silent Tokyo Metro trains
taken on a holiday in Tokyo - it seems that many people were beat after a spending the day out...
[empty blue seats]
[empty, some ppl, red seats]

we used our pasmo cards to pay and got on the train. it's crowded, but not so crowded that we could not find seats. but evveryone has to sit close to each other. ah, i have no problem with sitting close to toma-kun!! but it's really quiet (everyone is supposed to be quiet, as to not bother others). most people are either using their cellphone (silently--- texting or reading email or something) or reading. or sleeping! [note: all the time were on the trains, we're almost whispering to each other. toma's voice sounds so sweet and warm when he's whispering!!♥♥]

toma: (sees a salaryman in front of us sleeping, leaning on a man next to him) (yr name)-chan, i'm sleepy too. let me borrow your shoulder a little while, onegaishimas!

me: ehhh??? (toma leans his head on my left shoulder and shuts his eyes, a peaceful, happy expression on his face~) (what the.... stop teasing me like this, toma!! but...i glance down at him. KA~WAII!! is he really sleeping?? in my mind, i hear that vertical horizon song: "he's everything u want, He's everything u need, He's everything inside of you that u wish u could be. He says all the right things at exactly the right time..."

i slowly reach my right hand over...i just want to touch his hair a little!! i gently pat his head, barely touching his lovely, soft, chestnut-colored hair... toma doesn't move. he really must be tired...i was just thinking maybe i should try to take a picture of sleeping toma with my cell phone, when he opened his eyes and sat up straight!

me: nani?

toma: (complains) your shoulder's not comfortable to sleep on at all. mo ii.

me: shut up! (lightly punch him in the arm) (laughs)

Toma laughs, then smiles, pausing, looking at me a little longer...kyaa!! so cute!!! then he takes out his phone to check his messages or something. i can see... his phone wallpaper. it's a cute picture i haven't seen before, of him and yamashita. probably from the last time they had dinner together. they're both making cute pouting faces, looking upwards at the camera, and their faces are quite close together, in a dark-ish place, leaning over their food. my mind, i hear jay chou's sad song, A secret i can't tell. "the dream starts to not be sweet...i hold my feelings very far back...perhaps fate only let us meet..." [the MV of jay's song, w/eng. subtitles here:]

[kate @dec30: doumo! kate desu. ah, i guess i can't post the whole story up be4 2010 after all.'s ok, i'd rather take my time and make the story better instead of rushing to get it done. anyway...on with the story!! thanks again, everyone for reading, and for all your lovely comments. reading them really makes me smile and really happy!! *_* the next time i post...should be the last part of the story. aww...i don't want it to end either, but...really, "the finish line is in sight" so to speak....please look forward to it!]

soon, it's time to make our transfer to the 2nd train. this train is also crowded. we're also sitting closely.

toma: ano~ (reaches inside his bag to get something...he takes out a very small box, an xmas present neatly wrapped in very pretty wrapping paper!) kore! this is for you~ but don't open it yet! (smiles)

[not sure how our xmas presents look like, exactly, but i imagine they're wrapped in pretty/shiny wrapping paper, w/some texture, like these that i saw at mitsuwa:
with pretty ribbons tied around them too, though!!]

me: kire!! (takes it from him, looking at's so small, about the size of a ring box??) (looking at him) toma-kun, arigatou!! (take out his present f/my bag. i lightly touch him on the arm and hand it to him) hai, douzo! (10)

toma: (cutely) ah, arigatouuuu. (looks at it, biting his lip) yappa, hon des.

me: (laughs) sou desu. sumimasen. it's quite obvious... (we both put them away in our bags)

toma: iie...i'm sure i'll like it ne! (smiles so sweetly at me!)

me: atashi mou! (smiles)

toma: mm! (nodding, pouting)

He takes out a small manga book [maybe One Piece, his fav, or whatever manga u want him to read. haha. it's up to you!] and starts reading, like most of the other ppl on the train. so, i also take out a magazine, my winkup jan. 2010 issue. but i'm distracted...what is he giving me?? a ring?! what else is that small?? actually, lots of things...(a pin, a keychain, a small paperweight, etc...) :P but is it a friendship ring? ah, i wish it was a wedding ring!! lol. ...and my mind wanders, and i start having all kinds of romantic fantasies of toma and i, as i look at the pics in wink up...(and i hear miChi's YOU song. and also, ikemen boogie nights, from hana kimi.)

-pg.s 4,5: kinki kids in a dark room, in a kinda glowing light./
i see toma and i sitting on a park bench, on a cold winter night. i'm leaning on his shoulder, sleeping, and he's looking at me. the glowing, luminous light of a full moon shines down on us...

-pg.s 10, 11: keichiro and yuya f/NEWS, playing with a puppy./
i imagine me and toma playing with jam-chan in his bedroom! (jam is his dog's name.)

-pg. 25: arashi guys making faces like it's too LOUD./
i see me and toma having fun, sitting next to each other at a concert, cheering and waving our glowsticks together!

-pg. 42: takizawa X yamashita taking pics together/of each other./
i see toma and i happily taking pics of each other and together at random places in tokyo and hokkaido... why hokkaido? cuz it's snowing in winter there, so beautiful and romantic!! (10.5)

[btw, yamashita's wearing a black and white hoodie w/the Campbell's TOMATO soup brand as a pattern! TOMA-TO!! i wonder if it's his or they gave it to him to wear 4 the shoot...]

-pg.72: TOMA!! holding a clear umbrella on a rainy day./
i see us sharing an umbrella, on a dark, rainy day, walking somewhere in tokyo. we're walking close to each other, talking to each other...

-pg. 91: some cute guys (fully clothed!) lying close, next to each other/leaning/hugging each other on black sheets./
toma and i are sleeping (fully clothed!) in bed. the room is dark. toma is lying close to me, with one arm around me as we sleep peacefully...

Wait, something caught my eye f/some pages before that i flipped over...

UWAAAA!! *__*
pg.68: the Arashi guys all shirtless, hair kinda wet. a pic f/a poster for their new drama??/

[an outdoors onsen while it's snowing outside, something like this, but w/some kinda low wall to keep it steamy/hidden...!! ahh...or actually, more like this, but a much bigger pool-like area, not just a tub...]


i see toma and i, alone at an outdoors onsen. it's a cold evening. it's snowing right outside...only the two of us next to each other, in the hot water, steam surrounds us, making it all unclear... i shyly glance at toma...the curve of his bare shoulders and his strong (veiny!) arms...ahhh!! and then toma turns around, looks at me, smiling. and he gently touches my bare shoulder with his hand, pulling me closer...and leans closer, to kiss me... as the snow falls gently nearby, we kiss... in his warm this misty, hidden place...i think... this is...bliss! and i hold onto him a little tighter as we kiss...




baka, he's already got yamashita!! he only likes yamashita (or someone else??)!!

me: IYA! (shaking my head, out of dream mode, i throw the magazine in the air. it lands in toma's lap. ppl around us are staring at me or waking up.)

toma: (turns to look at me) nanideshthindayo?!

me: (bows to toma and everyone) sumimasen!! gomenasai!! (turns to toma) eh...i thought i saw a bug on one of the pages. (i feel so hot right now!! i'm sure my face is all red...cuz of the onsen fantasy plus my embarassment...i loosen my scarf nervously...yappe!! i'm burning up. SO HOT!! i look at him...he's so hot! ...BAKA, I SAID STOP IT ALREADY!!! >_<)

toma: (flips through the magazine) nai.

me: eto...i guess it flew away. (my heart is still beating so fast!!)

toma: (looks at me, seeing my face all red) are u ok?

me: uh, hai! nande arimasen. (*doki doki*)

toma: ah, i didn't have a chance to look through this issue yet. want to look at it together?

me: hai! (luckily this train is air-conditioned!! i hope it'll help me cool down soon...)

We look at the magazine together, commenting on various things...

-toma first checks to see how his pics look. lol. "kakkoii!" i say. toma looks at himself in the pics, smiles, and jokes "sou deshou! i look so cool! what a popular person i am!" (laughs) (9)

-next, toma checks the messages page:
"ah, gotta remember to call Junichi-kun...haha, no i haven't changed my perfume, jun! and u can't make me! (laughs) wah, yamashita must have a lot of kouhai's that like him. sugeh! i'm jealous! (B.I. Shadow's N. Kento and M. Hokuto wrote messages to yamashita, saying he's really cool/they really like him.) (12)

After that, he randomly flips through the magazine...and we whisper varioius things to each other as we look at the pics....

me: (lightly touch toma on his shoulder, i smile) i like your message, toma-kun! (pg. 0, toma's new yr message: happy new year! this year, please also look after me (take care/support me).)

toma: KA~WAII NEEEE! ^-^ (pg.s 9-15) (NEWS + puppies in cute litle santa suits pics. he stops a little longer to look at yamashita's pics and purses his lips and smiles so cutely!)

toma: yo, fisherman! (laughs) (pg.20, ohno's pic)

toma: i like this tie! (pg.30)

toma: ah, jin! he looks cool. (pg. 37. pic of jin sitting, crossed legs, coolly staring off to one side, wearing a hat, too.)

toma: ah! i like tanaka's (f/Kat-tun) pose! i'm stealing it! (laughs) (pg.40)

toma: (cheerfully) eh! yamashita and tackey! sugeh! ...iya, they're both such good-looking guys na!! (laughs) (pg.s 41-43)

me: yokoyama's cute puffed up face!! (laughs) (after pg.48, on a poster)

me: yuma!! kawaii!! ^-^ (pg. 50)

toma: Short but sweet. (says it in eng.) this guy is so popular?! (laughs) (pg.102-105)
demo sa...(smiles sweetly) i'm really so happy for him. his 1st solo concert... (he carefully looks at all the different yamashita concert pics, all the while, with such a proud and loving look on his face, his mouth slightly open in awe...and he looks so happy when seeing pics of him and yamapi dancing/singing together. ^_^
though i'm jealous (why did this magazine have to be so yamashita heavy, so many pics of him this time?!!), but seeing him so happy, i can't help feeling happy for the 2 of them, too... yamashita and toma... i hope they can always be together. and sing and act together too!

me: (lightly touch him on the arm) toma-kun, i really did send in bday and regular fan art of you, but they didn't print it. =( (pg. 124) (toma: (cheerfully) thank you!! it's ok. i was already really happy when you sent me the scans of your drawings a while back. i really like the drawings!! it was the best birthday present i got this yr, hounto ni!! ^_^) [ok, this part is totally for me (and careline18, and any1 else who sent in fan art that wasn't chosen!) to feel better that my fan art was not chosen (after all the time + thought+ LOVE i put into them!! actually, u can see them here:, but if u want, go ahead and pretend u DID draw some toma fan art and sent it in, too. lol.]

We've arrived in Hiroo. from now, it's about an 8 minute walk to our destination, toma says. he still won't say where we're going. he wants it to be a surprise. ^_^ we start walking.

[that took about 13 minutes in all. for those of u actually keeping track. haha. I REALLY DID USE A WEBSITE TO FIGURE OUT HOW MUCH TIME IT WOULD TAKE!!! maybe all that happening in less that 13 minutes (includes the transfer time) doesn't seem possible, but oh well, it's a fantasy, it's ok if some things don't make sense. lol.]

i pull my knit scarf closer to my neck. the cold night's not that crowded in the streets here...still lots of xmas decorations and lit up trees around us...i glance up at the sky. ah~ the crescent moon! i slow down to look at the seems especially beautiful and bright tonight. toma keeps walking. i better catch up...i walk a little faster, but i'm still looking up at the moon...suddenly! i bump into someone. it's toma. ^^; he had just turned around....i bumped straight into him, hitting my nose on his shoulder [cuz he's taller than me...if u are as tall/taller than him, then u won't hit yr nose...anyways, u still bump into him. :P] iteh!

me: (embarassed, rubbing my nose) gomen! i was looking at the moon...

toma: (laughs) souka. i didn't see u, so i turned around. (he looks at me, sees i'm ok, then looks up at the moon and smiles) it's very pretty tonight ne. (12.5)

me: hai. (i take a step back from toma. but my scarf is holding me back! it's stuck on the zipper hook of his jacket!) eh!

toma: (he looks down and laughs again) i got it. (he tilts his head down a little, looking carefully at the entanglement, trying to untangle it.)

me: (oh no...we're standing so close to each other....i look downwards)

toma: (untangling it) come closer. (he lightly tugs on the scarf, pulling me really close to him!) ok. (he continues working on it, not noticing we're now standing so close to each we're-gonna-kiss close!!)

i keep looking at the ground...i start fidgeting and twisting the other end of the scarf...and i look back up at him.... kyaa!! he is so so so cute!!! insanely, amazingly cute!! not only that, he's just perfect in every way...and here he is, standing right in front of me!! so close... i can't help it... i don't care who he likes...i don't care what the consequences are...i have this overwhelming, powerful urge to....i really really want to....

toma: (cutely) yatta! (he's untangled my scarf. so carefully, too, i can't tell where it got stuck, it looks fine, no loose ends or anything.)

me: (...kiss him! i look at him intently) arigatou. ano...

toma: (he smiles) eh?

me: (ah, even his "eh?" is so cute!!!) ano... (i look left and right, nervously. i purse my lips...i stare at him...i'm gonna do it!! i take a step closer to him...he looks a little surprised...and i...i...i!!!) *sneeze*! (quickly cover my mouth to not spray toma)

toma: (laughs)

me: (embarassed) gomen! (failed!! yappari.)

toma: but what were u saying...

me: (looking down, avoiding eye contact) eh...bezuni. i thought...i saw an eyelash on your face. i was going to get it for you....(toma touches his face, trying to see if it's there. i look up at him) i guess i was wrong, there's nothing...

toma: souka. (smiles) but thanks...

me: (try to smile back at him)
(baaaaaka. that was too close!! control yourself!! he already likes someone. even if it's not yamashita (i doubt it!!) i'm sure i'll lose to that girl, whoever she is....i really should give up already!)

At this moment, (we're still standing close) toma reaches over and gently touches me on the forehead w/the back of his hand!!

toma: (concerned) hmm... i don't think u have a fever, but your forehead is kinda warm.

me: (*doki doki*) uh...daijoubu. i'm not sick or anything. i'm just cold.

toma: (pulls the hood of my jacket over my head. cheerfully) well, that should help keep u warm. (smiles) come on... (and he starts walking)

me: hai! (i follow him...ahh...toma's touch...i should give up, but toma..."my love for you is very stubborn." (f/leo ku's dai hung song)

in my mind, i hear the song Far Away (by Nickelback):
"i love you, i loved u all along. and i miss u, been far away for far too long. i keep dreaming, you'll be with me and you'll never go. stop breathing, if i don't see u anymore..."

We walk a little while in silence...i try to cheer up despite what i'm feeling...toma seems to sense that something's wrong...i absentmindedly look at our breaths as we're walking in the almost looks like we're smoking. haha... i feel better. =)

toma: (stops and gets something f/his bag. he turns to me and casually says) want some gum? (he's holding the LOTTE ACUO gum)

me: ah! yes yes! (smile)

toma: (he seems glad, now that i'm smiling again. he smiles and drops 2 pieces in my hand) douzo. (he also gets 2 for himself and we're both chewing gum and walking...)

me: doumo! (i've chewed this gum before. it's strong at first, but it fades fast. that must be why he gave me 2. :P)

toma: (yr name)-chan?

me: hai?

toma: well, do u like it?

me:'s a little weak, actually. (laughs)

toma: (laughs) sou dayo. (embarassed) gomen ne. unexpectedly...but it's strong at first. at least i got a lot of free gum. (laughs) i have too much, actually. (he takes out 2 sticks of gum and drops them in my bag)

me: arigatou! toma-kun... (i lean kinda close to him, touch him on the shoulder, and go "AHH~" like he does in the CMs. lol.)

toma: (laughs. he does it back to me, touching me on the shoulder, too.) AHH~!!

It seems funnier cuz we can see our breaths when we do it. haha...and so we keep walking...and then toma starts walking toward a big white building. it's a library! ehhh! it's a pretty place, though.

[here's a picture of the front of the library:

8:08 pm @Tokyo Metropolitan library (Hiroo branch)

toma: we're here. (smiles) surprised?? (i nodd) i know a quiet spot where we can talk here...ikuzo.

We go inside. there's not much people here...cuz it closes at 9pm, toma says. and we take an elevator to the 5th floor, the highest floor. just the 2 of us. toma absentmindedly flicks his bangs while we're in the silent elevator. ~_~ the lights flicker in the elevator... it's a little eerie being in a quiet, empty library at night, but this library is quite nice and modern. and i'm with toma after all, so really, anywhere we go, i don't mind. ^_^ we get out of the elevator and toma leads me through a lot of rows of books...some lights flicker again...strange.

[kate@ jan.3: konbanwa! kate desu~ since i've kept everyone waiting so long, here's just a little bit of an update. sorry i made you wait!! but the ending will take some more time...but i'm really close to finishing writing, at least...! been only getting around 5 hrs of sleep each night in order to make time to do this...whew.... but it's been really fun!! minna tamani, atashi's all worth it!! gambarimas...hai~! i hope you'll like this new "scene" from my story, too... and please do comment if u like it! onegaishimas!! ja ne.]

i don't see anyone else's so quiet and peaceful and clean. some of the lights have been turned off, so it is a little dark...and kinda romantic almost?? we reach a small section of the wall, at the end of many rows of books, and it's got nice big windows. UWA!! what a pretty view of the night city below!! *__*

[couldn't find any pics inside of this libary, but i imagine the spot is behind a row of books like this....

the spot toma and you stop at, i think...should look something like this...except less cramped and bigger windows...

-- ]

me: uwaa... [both of us talk quietly, just in case there's other ppl around, though i didn't see anyone...again, toma's quiet voice is CUTE!!]

toma: this is my favorite spot in this library. i come here sometimes to do research for my's quiet and has a nice view ne. (smiles)

me: sugeh... (still staring outside, standing closely, my hands on the window) i didn't think a library would have such a pretty view...this is really a good place to sit and talk ne...(what a nice surprise he had prepared for me!! ^^)

[the view u see from it might be something like this, but not as high up...the windows should be this big ah~
the view f/the 5th floor smoking room of this library is pretty...only know cuz the person that took the pic of the entrance said so...i figure the view f/somewhere else on the 5th floor must be pretty, too!! ~_~]

toma: ja, it's kinda warm, too. (he puts his bag on the floor and takes off his thick jacket. he's only wearing a plaid shirt (or a thin sweater/hoodie/cardigan) over a simple white t-shirt (like in the pics above i linked to, about his hair), unlike me, with more layers.)

It's only slightly warm here, but cuz we've been walking and i'm a little nervous being here alone with him...i feel really warm. i set my bag down and take off my thick jacket. i've still got more layers on. then i remember...the THINK TWICE shirt! i take off my scarf, i unzip my hoodie...

toma: (looks at me, surprised) nandayo?

me: oh, i want to show u that i'm wearing the THINK TWICE shirt! (smiles)

toma: ba~ka. u don't need to. put more clothes on, it's not that warm in here. and you've been sneezing so much...u should keep warm. i don't want u to catch a cold ne~ (smiles) ...i see it. (he lightly tugs on the little blue part of the t-shirt, showing near my waist, under my layers of clothes.and he carefully wraps the scarf around my neck and drapes my hoodie around my shoulders. tomaaaaa... ah...he's so sweet and caring!!!!)

me: uh, hai... (i put my hoodie back on, but i don't zip it up, cuz toma's making me doki doki and feel warmer again!! *_*)

toma: (kneels down on the floor [the carpet], cheerfully) yeosh! time to open our presents! YEY!! (ah, he's acting like a little kid on xmas day!! adorable!!)

me: hai! (kneels down across f/him. we take out each other's presents...)

toma: (looks at his gift and pouts) it's a small book...manga? it's not the ningen shikkaku book w/me on the cover, right? i've got a lot already! (laughs)

me: (laughs) let's just open them now! (i stare at the tiny box that toma gave me...)

toma: hai! merikuri!! ^^

me: merikuri! merry christmas!! ^^

We both open them at the same time...both careful not to rip the nice wrapping paper too much...

toma: (cheerfully, smiling) ah, a small travel guidebook of London! arigatou! suki desu! (13)

[lonely planet's book. it should look like this, except it should be in japanese. lonely planet's books are quite popular, they have them in all kinds of languages...

here's what a NYC book looks like in japanese, for instance:]

it's a a small book, around the size of the book toma's holding in this pic, but not as long, and about twice or 2.5 times as think... ]

me: (i'm glad he likes it, but i'm staring at the small white box in my hands. it IS a ring box!!)

toma: (nervous) well...please open it!

me: (hesitantly) hai~
(I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!! inside is... it can't be... it looks like... the ring toma (toru) wore in majo saiban!!! i had told him once... that i really liked that ring way back in May, when it was still airing....loudly~) EHHH??!!

[remember, this is what the crisscrossing ring looks like!]

toma: (touches me on the shoulder, gesturing "shh!", 1 finger to his lips. kawaii!! i nodd. toma scratches behind his ear...) after you said you liked it, i tried looking for it in a lot of different places. but i couldn't find it... so when filming ended, i asked the staff-san if i could keep the ring, and they said i could. (smiles) dakara...

me: (incredibly touched and happy) you remembered!! and you looked for it...

toma: (embarassed) demo's not a brand new ring. i already wiped it clean though. (laughs)

me: (shakes my head, teary-eyed)'s perfect! daiski! (looking at him) toma-kun, arigatou! hounto ni!

toma: (smiles sweetly) yokatta ne~

me: i'll put it on now! (and never take it off!) (i slip it on my left index finger, but it's a little i take out a black elastic (for ponytails) from my bag, and i wrap it around my finger, above the ring, so it wouldn't fall off. i look up and see that toma's a little disappointed that it doesn't fit.) daijoubu! i can ask a jeweler to make it smaller for me. (smiles)

toma: eh. (smiles. still holding the book i gave him)

me: (cheerful) i'm glad u like it! i bought it thinking that toma-kun could use it when u finally go there one day. but you're so busy...toniaku, just start looking through it when u can...see where you'd like to go once you're there.

toma: (nodds) i really like it! thank you. (smiles)

me: (thoughtfully) i hope... toma-kun can go there with the person u like one day. (smiles) (ah...yamashita and toma will surely have a lot of fun there...)

toma: ah. ano... (nodds, embarassed...)

me: nani?

gomenasai! no update, just have some things to say!!
ah, i've got 1 follower! arigatou!! other people, please also follow me! haha. :D
i was looking over my story today, i saw a typo and left out the page #'s of yuma's and yamashita's pages in the wink up section...gotta fix that now. if anyone sees any typos or other mistakes, please do tell me!! i was so sleepy the other day, i nodded off a little while typing (laugh), so please do tell me if u see any, so i can fix it!! thanks! (and i'm aware that i sometimes forget to add words to the vocab section...sumimasen!! hopefully most of the ones i forget, most ppl already know what they mean... ciao!♥]

(kate. 2010/1/07: MINNA, GOMEN! i'm sorry i made everyone wait...but i'm really close to finishing writing the ending!! since today's such a happy day (see the newest post at my blog), and today makes it 1 month that i've been writing this fanfic... so here comes the latest update!! a little longer than last time? YEY. i'm also sorry for tricking everyone....'ll see what i mean!! so here it is, PART 7 (i think? kinda lost count...) DOUZO~!!)

toma: ano... (looks out the window, nervously, thoughtfully) shitthinderou... i have trouble expressing myself, i always have to think things over a long time before i say it...especially if it's to the person i like...(he looks at me) i admire people like yamashita and you...u just say what u think without any reserve. ...soushitte...

me: is it that...u don't know how to confess to the person u like?

toma: ma... (looks left and right, then down at the floor. then he stands up. i do too.)

me: (in a comforting voice) don't worry...she (he) won't reject you! just tell her (him) how you feel. i'm sure she (he) also feels the same way. (toma looks at me, a serious, sincere expression on his face. kawaii~ )

toma: (quietly) [yr name]-chan...

Suddenly, the lights go out! it's pitch black. "toma-kun!" i quickly reach out and hold onto one of arms.

toma: daijoubu! this floor has blackouts sometimes. i've been here a lot...they usually only last a few minutes. (he pats me on the back) daijoubu de kara!

me: kowai! (clings to his arm, tighter)

Toma gently removes my hands from his arm and puts his arm firmly around my shoulder, pulling me closer to him.... *doki doki* i feel so safe and warm with his arm around me...and then...!! i feel both his arms around me...he's hugging me from behind!! [just like nakatsu and mizuki... :] this...amazing, indescribable feeling...i'm so happy/confused/excited/dizzy at the same heart's beating way too fast...i feel like...i must be dreaming???!!

me: (softly) toma-kun? (was all i could say...)

toma: (he leans in closer, our hair rubbing against each other... softly, but firmly~) anata... omae des.

me: (softly) eh... (it's me? .........IT'S ME!!! my name also has an "A" in it!!! [if both yr first and last name doesn't have an A, then think of it as toma meaning "omAe" and "AnAtA" as having an "A" in it. tricky, right? heehee. :P] toma......the person he me????? uso!!)

And toma hugs me a little tighter...i felt so scared in the dark before, but now...i don't want this moment to end. i want to stay here, in toma's arms............i don't know how much time passes...maybe minutes...but it feels too quick! soon, the lights come back on. toma and i don't move...then he slowly lets go of me. i still can't move...i don't know what to do...toma takes a step over to face me...i feel seriously lightheaded...and i if my whole life has been leading up to this moment...!

toma: (purses his lips, looking at me seriously. and quietly, firmly says~) maenotoko ga...skida.

everything goes black...
but i think i saw toma catching me as i fall...

8:20pm @Tokyo Metropolitan Library

i open my eyes. i see the ceiling of the library. i'm lying on the floor, but toma had bunched up my jacket to make a sorta pillow for me. i slowly sit up. i'm still a little dizzy...and i remember what just happened!!! right then, i see toma running towards me. he sees that i'm conscious and looks relieved.

toma: (runs over and kneels down next to me. he's holding a wet paper towel.) yokatta! i was so worried! (gives me a hug, still holding the wet towel, so he got me a little wet) gomen ne. (puts the towel on the floor) luckily i caught you in time when you fainted...then i kept calling you and shaking you, but u wouldn't wake up! dakara...(he looks at the wet towel)

me: (he really cares about me so much!!) daijoubu...arigatou! i.....(stand up. toma does too. he continues to look at me, a serious/nervous look on his face. i'm going doki doki again. and i ask him in a quiet voice...) toma-kun, what you said.....ano....

toma: (smiles, holds me by the shoulders, looking straight at me. in a serious, quiet voice~) skida yo.

me: (i start to get teary-eyed and my voice is trembling as i look at him) toma, suki! (and i give him a big hug. i cling to him so face buried in his shoulder...) daiski yo zutto!! (and i'll never love anyone else...)

toma: (pats me on the head, and quietly says~) wakatta. (he hugs me tight...)

me: (cries, voice shaking) ure...shii... ni....(sobbing)

toma: (pats me on the back, in a gentle voice) mou, yamerou...don't cry.

me: (crying) i...can't...stop....i'

toma: (gently removes my arms from himself and holds me by the shoulders, smiling at me) so~ you'll be my girlfriend, right?

me: (i nodd)

toma: your boyfriend, i'm asking you to stop crying. onegaishimas! (he hands me some tissues f/his bag)

me: (trying hard to stop crying) hai...

toma: (gently brushes away a tear rolling down my cheek) i don't ever want to make you cry.

me: hai. (nodding, stopped crying....wiping tears f/my face...)

toma: i'm sorry i made you cry...but i have something for you. (he goes and gets something from his's one pretty purple tulip! my favorite! [substitute w/yr fav flower if it's not tulips.] (he gives it to me)

me: toma...kire!! [it's a pretty, deep shade of purple, kinda like this, but not as dark... :
and slightly blooming, kinda like this:

toma: (shyly, bites his lip...) this is actually why i was late... i forgot to go buy it earlier... gomen.

me: iie! it's very pretty! arigatou! (smiles)

Toma nodds and smiles (kyaa!! kawaii!!)...we look at each other...and he leans over and kisses me on the cheek!! *blush* toma shyly looks down...i think he's also blushing?? oh, toma...i love you so much!!

me: (i feel dizzy again! nervously~) uh...i think i need to lie down a little! (i lie down on the floor like before, carefully laying the flower next to me.)

toma: (smiles) hai~ u should rest a little... (he takes his jacket, puts it down next to where i'm lying, and lies down next to me, using it as a pillow!! EHHH!! toma, how am i gonna calm down with u lying so close, right next to me??? but...kyaa!! toma and i lying next to each other!!! with only a flower between us.)

me: (turn to face him, nervously) ano...what if someone sees us like this...

toma: (turns to me, lying on his side, with his legs slightly curled up cutely~ he smiles and says) don't worry, when i went to the restroom to get the wet paper towel for you, i looked around...i don't think there's anyone else on this floor. so we can do anything we want, no one else will know.

me: (i stare at him..."do anything we want" ...we're lying so close to each other... *blush*) souka...

toma: (sees the surprised/shy look on my face) ya ya ya, that's not what i meant! i didn't mean it in a dirty way or anything!

me: (nervous laugh) uh, of course! i know! (and i face the ceiling again) toma...

toma: nani?

me: said you liked someone that you knew from work? demo...
[oh, right. i forgot about the age thing, too... hopefully you are close to toma's age! if not, think of it as he lied about that too, so that you couldn't]

toma: (embarassed) ah, gomen. i just said that so you wouldn't know that it was you....there's been no one else i liked... (i turn to face him) ...only you. (he smiles sweetly at me)

me: (aww!! i smile at him. ~_~) (aww....toma... But actually, there is someone else....even if toma's not in a romantic relationship with yamashita, i have a feeling that he will always be #1 in toma's heart...the one true love of his life... i'm not sure if it's a brotherly or best friend or romantic love, or all of those combined?? but surely, no one can take yamashita's place in his heart. but i don't mind being #2 at all...and yamashita truly deserves 1st place, since he can make toma happy, in ways that i'd never be able to........ i think of all this, as toma's picked up the tulip, playing with it. smelling it, touching the petals, absentmindedly waving it around...he's so adorable!!)

me: (quietly) toma...

toma: (he stops playing w/the flower and looks at me) eh?

me: (hesitantly) ano....doushitte? why do u like've probably met so many girls that are cuter than me...

(kate@jan7: the secret is revealed!!! ah, i wanted to keep it secret for a while longer what do u think???? please do comment!!! ah...some of my fav moments of this fanfic happened just now....did anyone see this coming??? haha. ah, he really likes you/me!!! masaka!!! demo, OMEDETOU!! xD what will happen next... please look forward to it!! ~_~)

[kate@january13: it rained's perfect, cuz my 1st fanfic, toma and i/you met on a rainy day ne. and today i'm finally posting up the ending of this 2nd fanfic, part 8~...on a rainy day. ~_~ ah....a nice long read for all of you this time!! i'm sorry i took so couldn't be helped! please enjoy the story until the very end!!!! thank you again, everyone for reading and liking my story and for all your sweet comments!!!!!!!!!!!♥ ja~ i've written a longer message to everyone at the end of the story, so please read it too!! (laughs)]

toma: (pouts and then bites his lip, thinking) ja, when u like someone, u just like her, ne. (smiles) (14)

me: (pouts) yappari, a very vague, toma-like answer.

toma: (laughs) sou desu. ...jitsuwa...(he touches his lip w/one finger, thoughtfully) i guess it's mostly cuz you're considerate, polite, and kawaii... (15)

me: (shyly) hounto ni?

toma: mm. (smiles sweetly)

me: (smile)
(ahhh... from now on, i'll try to be more considerate, polite, and kawaii, so that toma would love me more!! ^_^)

Toma turns to face the ceiling and covers his mouth, yawning. he looks a little tired and sleepy...he must have had a busy day, but he still came to see me...that reminds me...

me: toma....were u really sleeping on the train...

toma: (embarassed) ano...iie.

me: eh.... (he must have felt me touch his hair!!)

toma: (as if reading my mind, he looks at me and cutely says~) doki deshimas. when you patted me on the head...and i thought, your hair smells nice~ (he gently strokes my hair)

me: (embarassed) ehh...arigatou...(HE went doki doki?? i made toma go doki doki and i didn't even know it?! the times when my heart was beating fast tonight...was his too??)

toma: (tired) ah...but i'm kinda sleepy for real now...(he closes his eyes) i had to wake up really early today... (16) (he curls up a little. ah!! he's lying in that cute sleeping position, like toru, like this:

Kyaa!! kawaii!! i remember the fantasy i had earlier, of us peacefully sleeping together...and i realize!! now that we're a couple, all those fantasies can actually come true!!!!!!!!! even...even...the onsen one!! i feel hot again...luckily, toma's got his eyes closed and doesn't see me blushing. i look at him...then i notice...! his t-shirt is a little pulled up because of his sleeping position... his (dolce & gabbana) underwear is showing a little bit!!! (of course, i've seen those pics where toma's underwear is showing a little, but when he's lying right in front of me like this.....!!!!) that little area of his body that's exposed....just a little bit, but it's enough to make my heart race again!! "ah, i'm gonna touch you, but i can't! my heart beats faster and i can't stop it!" [ikenai taiyou lyrics] i quickly turn away and sit up. yappe!! i quickly pick up my jacket and the tulip...

[it should be something like this ne. his underwear showing a little like that...kyaa!!
[credit: strawberry_gemm at] the sexy pose, the "come here!" expression on his face!!! he's so damn sexy!! totally makes me melt....oh, and here's another yummy pic of toma's underwear showing a little in majosai, when he's lying in bed.♥ kyaa!! AHHHH... gomenasai, toma-kun!! i feel so pervy right now. lol....i can't help it!!]

toma: (opens his eyes and sits up. he rubs his eyes...) ah, i almost really fell asleep! doushitta?

me: (nervously) ano...i'm feeling better! i want to go sit over here and look at the night view... (i carefully put the tulip in my bag on the floor and lay my jacket on top of it. toma smiles and says "ok". he also puts his jacket on his bag and comes over, sitting down next to me.)

Toma and i sit on the floor, leaning on a bookshelf on the wall next to the windows. toma sits nearer to the window, and i'm sitting on his left side. we admire the pretty night view of the city....well, toma enjoys it, anyway, while i try to cool down!! i feel my cheek. it's really warm!! that's it, i've gotta take some clothes off. at least this way, i can show toma my think twice shirt....i start taking off my scarf, unzipping my hoodie...toma looks at me. and i tell him it's ok, i'll put it back on soon, i won't get sick...just that i feel so warm right now...i take off everything extra, until i've only got my Think Twice shirt on (of course, my jeans R still on too! lol.). though it's not like i'm changing in front of him, toma discreetly looked away as i was removing my clothes. ~_~ toma's such a gentleman!

me: (i lightly tap him on the shoulder and he turns around. i smile~) toma, arigatou! i really like this shirt a lot!

toma: (smiles at me, and looks at the shirt and the words THINK TWICE. ...then he realizes that it seems like he's staring at my chest, he glances up at me, then he shyly turns away) ah. it looks great on you ne~ [the shy glance/turn away!! like takemoto! like this:]

me: (toma...kawaii!! i stare at him as he's staring out the window, avoiding looking at the shirt...then i think of something i really want to do, now that he's my boyfriend...) toma...(he turns around)

hold still, ok? (i lean a little closer to him...he looks nervous, but stays still...i smile and i...........gently touch his cheek, and then i lightly ruffle his hair) i've always wanted to do that! (laughs) (ah~ his cheek is really soft!! and his soft and full...nice!!)

toma: (slightly annoyed, his eyes closed) taaku...(fixes his hair and opens his eyes) ba~ka. you didn't have to wait till we're dating, you could have just asked me earlier! (he smiles and playfully ruffles my hair with both his hands)

me: (smiles) ah, maji deska?? (i fix my hair...ah, i would be too scared to ask him that, there's no way i'd be able to say it...and that makes me think...why was he so nervous about asking me to be his girlfriend?? i look at him...)

toma: (looks at me) hmm?

me: (quietly, hesitantly) ano...why were you so nervous about it, telling me how you feel...... shitthinderou...that i like you. i try to hide it but when i'm here with you, close to you... well, i think you can tell...i can't hold back my feelings for you...(embarassed)

toma: (smiles sweetly) hai. i knew. (sweetly) yokatta ne~ (he lightly touches my knee) kedo...even so... (he nervously scratches behind his ear) i didn't know, i wasn't sure if i could really be someone's boyfriend right now, since i'm so busy....(looks at me w/a serious look on his face) ...[yr name] tamani...for you, i want to be a really good boyfriend. you should be with someone wonderful, who can truly make you happy and be there for you...i...i wasn't sure if i could be that person... and we live so far apart...and Johnnys guys who are dating have to try to keep it secret... there were many things i worried about...i had to think it over carefully...before deciding if i should tell you or not.

me: (so touched, tears welling up in my eyes...shaking my head "no", softly~) Toma...(i look straight at him) you will always be the perfect boyfriend in my heart. zettai karashi! as long as we love each other, notthing else matters...and i know you'll often be busy with work or you need to spend time with your friends and family...i completely understand that we probably won't be able to see each other a lot... Kedo... have you heard of the phrase, "Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away." (ah, i also, literally, want him to take my breath away...again and again.) as long as we make our time together really long as i can create beautiful memories with toma, then i would already be so completely happy!! i'm not hoping for anything more than that. and i already feel like the luckiest girl on earth right now!

toma: (he smiles and looks at me lovingly, a little teary-eyed...)
[yr name]...

me: (ah...suddenly the mood has turned so serious...i gotta do something or we both might start crying! so i smile and cutely sing a little of the ikenai taiyou song~ [translated by eternalsnowyugi])

i am right for you, you as well are right for me.
there's no need to care about anything else.♪

toma: (laughs)
(he cutely sings a little of the start of the song~)

na na na na na na na na,
na na na na na na na na...ikenai taiyou~♪

(but then he stops and has a serious, earnest look on his face and he sweetly smiles at me. and says in a quiet voice, another line f/the song) the intertwined red thread, is the red thread that binds us together. (he gently holds my hand)

me: (toma...!! ah, i'm fated to love you...i nodd and softly say~) hai~
(toma!! no matter what happens, i want us to be together for the rest of our lives!!! but it will be hard...definitely...just thinking about how his fans will be jealous if they find out, how much they'll hate me...scares me....and that's just a minor problem, compared to all the other things we have to worry about...!!

(quietly, looking down) demo...i understand why you had to think it over for so long....all the things we have to worry about...(why?! why does it have to be so hard for us to be together??? =[) doshio...??

toma: (he puts one arm around my shoulder and pulls me closer to him, and in a firm, reassuring voice~) don't worry....nanka...nanka daijoubu dayo!

me: mm! (nodds)
(but i wonder....if we can really maintain a long distance's fine if we're just friends, being far apart, but now...i don't think i can stand only visiting him a few times a year!! i'll have to try to be closer to him...maybe i can find a way to [choose one of the following, kudasai. =)] work/study in japan or at least work/study in a country near japan...or move to a country near japan....right now, it seems almost impossible to do that... but just an hour ago, i thought being toma's girlfriend was impossible, yet here i am!! i AM toma's girlfriend....ahh!! and TOMA is my boyfriend. kyaa!!! i never thought i'd be able to say these words...yume jana~ii...)

toma: (thoughtfully) i spent a long time thinking about whether or not i should tell you...but no matter how difficult it might be for us to be together...i never thought of giving up on us...on you~ (he smiles at me) there were...many times that i wanted to tell you this year....but then i lost my nerve, and anyway, i wanted to tell you in person...

me: (i stare at him...Toma!! how long have you liked me?? has it been since May, when you looked for that ring for me?? ahh...if i only paid more attention...if i only knew sooner...! toma, you kept this secret in your heart for so long...)

toma: i thought to myself...tonight, i'll race you. if i win, i won't tell you i like you. if you win, and i thought you probably wouldn't, i would confess. nanka, i was afraid to tell you...i kept thinking... "maybe i'll wait until the next time i see her," like that. but then...being with you tonight...(he looks at me sweetly) i kept going doki doki, and i really wanted to tell you. yappari~ so i slowed down a little so you could win and i could tell you. (smiles)

me: (USO!!! TOMA REALLY HAS BEEN DOKI DOKI-ing ALL THIS TIME TOO!? ahhh.... so that's why he let me win...silly, using this method to decide! i continue to stare at him, my mouth slightly open in shock....)

toma: and then the lights went out right as i was going to tell you....holding you close...i couldn't hold back any longer, i really wanted to hug you...(i look at him, pursing my lips, speechless and teary-eyed! and he looks straight at me and holds my hand firmly) and at that moment, i matter what happens, i...i want to be that someone that you could depend on...i want to protect you, take care of you, be beside you...zutto~ (he smiles sweetly at me...then a little embarassed) well, now you know everything! for not telling you sooner...gomen!

me: (tears welling up, i shake my head, emotionally~) hounto yokatta! (i hug him tight...toma, i had no idea!! though there were times when you were so sweet to me, but you're always so sweet and thoughtful with everyone ne....He holds me close and lightly pats my head...i don't want to let go....and i'm so happy, i start to cry a little bit again...)

toma: (lets go of me and gently touches my cheek, looking straight at me~) yappe...i said i wouldn't make you cry...

me: (try to stop crying, rubbing my eyes) gomen, i can't help it....(i lean on his shoulder)

toma: (looks down at me, smiling) ii dateh. we'll sit here for a while longer, until your eyes are not so red, and then go...

me: (stopped crying, softly~) hai...

(i close my eyes...they really sting from all the crying...

Toma, i love you so much!!!!!♥♥♥

How do I love thee?
Let me count the ways.
[start of Elizabeth Barrett Browning's poem]

please excuse me, as i gush about toma and use various love song lyrics to describe how i feel about him!! minna, sumimasen. for all the sappiness!!

Toma...ahhh, my good-looking sunshine boy!! TOMA IS LOVE!! the cutest boy on earth!! he's perfect!! he shines!! he's made of awesomeness!! pure awesomeness. ah~ he's seriously cool~! and sexy! Omae no sexy pheromone de ore meromero! [your sexy pheromone melts me. oh, replace the ore with atashi (fem. version of i)!]

Toma...the love of my life. you are my weakness. and you're so heartbreakingly beautiful. and undeniably ka~waii. i never loved someone, the way that i love you! if i give you a big bouquet of flowers, it's still not enough, because someone as cute as you deserves a whole hillside of heavenly scented flowers!!! and i love you more each light up my life! and only you...can make this world seem right.

He's the one. everything he does is beautiful, everything he does is right. because it's toma. and it's my boyfriend, it's my boyfriend, it's my boyfriend! i only love him. i'm so in love, i couldn't leave you if i tried. and though we don't say it, but in our hearts, you know i'm yours, and i know you're mine!

I love you~ because i've never met anyone so.......perfect, cute, irresistable, charismatic, determined, talented, brilliant, dorky, strong, kakkoii, kawaii, geeky, generous, nice, adorable, beautiful, cool, sweet, polite, sensitive, caring, radiant, funny, charming, straightforward, down-to-earth, modest, friendly, strong-willed, ambitious, handsome, dashing, attractive, fun, silly, optimistic, playful, cheerful, thoughtful, lovable, clever, childish, pouty, sexy, girly, serious, emotional, flirty, random, spontaneous, stylish, devoted, fragile, angelic, shy, wonderful, competitive, brave, ambiguous, delicate, persistent, passionate, hard-working, loyal, gentle, considerate, honest, unique, genuine, AMAZING, and hyper!!!!!!

and i even love you~ when/if you're........restless, weird, insecure, gloomy, jealous, moody, boring, stubborn, vain, messy, lazy, kinda pervy xD, self-conscious, hot-headed, showing off, vague, careless, indifferent, forgetful, complaining, smoking, not making sense, and not looking your best!!

I LOVE YOU, TOMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!♥♥♥♥♥♥


AND i even feel like breaking into song right now, jumping up and singing while smiling and pointing at him..."anata ga hoshi~i, anata ga hoshi~i, anata ga hoshi~i! darling, darling, darling...." xD [1 of his fav songs, toma sang this '80s song on the kinki kids' show this yr!]

i smile to myself... ~_~)

toma: (looks at his watch. it's 8:47pm. the library closes at 9) i think we should go now, [yr name]...

me: (eyes still closed, dreamily~) mmn?

toma: (he glances down at me, seeing me with such a happy, sweet expression on my face....he smiles...he looks around just in case....and he...slowly leans over and kisses me gently....!!!! he lingers a little, and pulls away.

[it's like the nakatsu/mizuki almost kiss + the majosai 1st kiss!!! pics of the kisses here:

u can watch the nakatsu/mizuki almost kiss at the end of this MV:
and u can WATCH the majosai kiss here:]

me: (open my eyes, slowly sit up straight...toma's still leaned in close to me!! ...GAH!! i feel...i...i can't put it into words!!!♥♥ i just stare at him, my mouth slightly open in shock.)

toma: (smiles sweetly) because you look cute with your eyes closed~

me: (softly) toma... (i smile back at him)
(i've decided!! i will definitely find a way to spend more time with him this year. kitto!! i love him too much to be far apart from him for too long!!)

toma: (lingers close to me for a little longer...we look at each other...his eyes are so beautiful (and big!)....then he pulls back and stands up) ah, we really should get going, it's almost 9.

me: (stands up too) hai!

toma: (putting on his jacket, cheerfully) let's race for real this time, to the elevator!

I gather the xmas presents wrapping paper and put it in my bag...our first real xmas presents to each other, so of course i'm keeping the wrapping paper to help me remember this sweet memory... :)

me: (putting on my extra shirts/hoodie/jacket/scarf) yada. i'll definitely lose to you!

toma: ja, how about if the winner gets to ask the other person to do something, and the other person has to say "yes"?

me: (almost done putting on everything) eh?? (toma throws away the wet paper towel he left on the floor, earlier)

toma: (smiles) ah. (puts his shoulder bag around his shoulder, HYPER~) san, ni, ich! GO!!
(he starts running)

me: chotto! i'm not ready! (quickly put my bag around my shoulder and run after him)

I really run as fast as i can! i really want to win. but of course, toma reaches the elevator first. he raises his fists in a "YES!!" victory pose [kinda like this:] and smiles as he watches me run up to him. well, at least i didn't lose by much!

toma: hai, zanay~

me: ah, yappari... (ah, if i won, i was gonna ask toma to...actually, not sure what i'd ask him... maybe to come visit me in [yr country] sometime this year, but for sure, he's gonna be too busy...but there are many other things i could have asked him...aww....if only i was little faster!!)

toma: (lightly brushes his bangs to the side and purses his lips thoughtfully) mm...but i can't think of anything yet...

me: can't be anything weird or embarassing though...

toma: (pushes the down button) why would i make you do anything weird or embarassing? it's not a dare, you know. (laughs)

me: (nodds) sou sou. (laughs)

toma: (seriously) so, you promise, as long as it's not anything unreasonable, you'll say yes?

me: uh...hai. (nodds. the elevator doors open)

toma: (smiles) ikemashou! (we step into the elevator)

me: (I wonder what he's up to?? but really, even without this promise, i'd probably say yes to anything he asks of me, anyhow! lol.)

We walk to Hiroo Station...Toma remembers that the shops at the mall close around 9pm (but the restaurants are open late), so we won't make it in time. but we can still go to the Mori Tower in Roppongi to see a spectacular view of Tokyo from 52 floors up!! ^_^ as we're standing in the crowded train, i'm still in a daze...i can't believe what just happened!!! toma and i....he's my boyfriend now....and this is our first date!! i want to hold his hand....but it's too risky, too many ppl around i just keep staring at him.... but then, toma would see me looking at him and turn around and smile at me so cutely!! kyaa!! and i'd shyly look away....

9:07pm @Mori Tower (at Roppongi Hills)

ahh!! i'm already in a dreamy state, but seeing all the trees lit up in blue's a beautiful, luminous blue world ne!!

[roppongi hills's (also continues thru to tokyo midtown) blue trees:


watch a video of some1 driving thru the streets, all the lit up trees around them!! sugeh!!! it's the 5. Tokyo Illumination Drive. SO AWESOME, SEEING IT AS IF U'RE THERE IN THE CAR, LOOKING SEEING THE LIT UP TREES SO CLOSELY!!!)]

[a pic of mori tower:
and lots more pretty pics of that area, roppongi hills:]

EHHH!! there's a freakishly huge spider sculpture right outside the tower!! ...we go inside, buy 2 tickets, and take the elevator up to the 52nd floor. ah....just the 2 of us again! dangerous! even if he's my boyfriend now, i'm so nervous...afraid of doing something embarassing or upsetting him in any way....after all, this is my prince charming, the guy of my dreams, my beloved toma!! he likes girls that are gentle and sweet...i can't be too forward and just touch, hug or kiss him anytime.......ahhh, but i wanna touch him so bad....this is seriously killing me!! what am i saying, i should be so happy right now!! of course, when we're in public, we have to be careful, can't do anything to let others know we're dating...! i have to control myself!! ...i glance at him...kakkoii!!!

[the observation deck/view pics!! SUGEH!!
[close up views of ppl looking out the windows @mori tower]
[tokyo by night] (view)
[rainy day view of tokyo]

We reach the 52nd floor...the view is amazing!! and we have the whole space to ourselves!! [ok, ok, i know it's a bit unrealistic, that we keep getting all this alone time, but just pretend...haha.] just the 2 of us, in such a beautiful, romantic place....

me: (standing closely at the window) sugoi...kire...

toma: (stands next to me, cheerfully) sou desu!

me: (i look at him as he's staring out the window thoughtfully...ahhh...he's so cute when he looks serious like this....*doki doki*)

toma: (notices me looking at him, he turns and looks at me, pouting cutely and sweetly says~) nani?

me: (AHHH... I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE!! I WANT HIM BAD!! i quickly tell him-) gomen!

toma: eh?

I pull him towards me, kissing him passionately...and he kisses me back and holds me tighter....i can't...seem to stop... but i've got to, before i get too excited...and we're in a public place after all!! wait...just a little longer...his lips are so soft...i lean into him a little more...lightly tugging at his jacket...kissing him more softly....... ok, really gotta stop!! i gently pull away from him... (KYAA!! that was....amazing!! yappari, toma's a good kisser!! ahhh....) [it was not like, a long makeout thing, but a good, long yr imagination, kudasai. lol. but then, it's up to you, how intense the kissing is, of course!!]

me: (i cover my mouth, really embarassed, looking at the floor) uh...gomen! i'm usually not like this!!

toma: (awkwardly) ya, ya....uh....arigatou. (laughs)

me: (embarassed laugh)
(*__* whoa....i did it!! i really did it!! and i've dreamed of doing it so many times....after [the # of yrs you've been toma's fan] years of crushing and fangirling....ah, i think [that # of yrs] years of yearning for toma went into that kiss...but now that i finally did it, i feel lighter guess cuz i got rid of a lot of sexual tension and angst between us that's built up after all this time.... wow...)

toma: (gently touches my cheek, smiling...) you're blushing...kawaii~

me: (blush even more!) ah...sou deska...

toma: (looks at me seriously, and quietly says~) i love you...

me: (a little teary-eyed) i love you more!

Toma smiles and gently holds me by my neck, leans over, and gives me a quick, tender kiss. short but sweet!! [like the 2nd majosai kiss:] ahhhhhh...toma!! i really love you so much!!! i'm so happy...i try my best not to cry again. toma smiles so sweetly at me...then he turns around to look at the city below. i turn back to the window too...ah...such a beautiful view!! but i'm so distracted...i keep replaying the kisses we just had in my mind.... ahhhhh...

After spending a little while there, enjoying the view, taking some pictures of the view, and us together, it's a short walk to Tokyo Midtown, a different shopping area, to see the xmas light show: the Starlight Garden. we wander around the area, enjoying all the xmas decorations and lit up trees and all...kire!!

[see pics of tokyo midtown as the website loads up here: [description and pics of xmas things to do here! we probably check out the Champs-Elysees Illumination first, then go to the Starlight Garden.]

we also go by Asahi TV Station's building, which has a cool, lit up numbers fence out front (doesn't seem to be a clock, its numbers keep changing randomly...). toma tells me he was in a drama for this tv station back in 2005. =) it was the one where he was a police officer and so they let him be the police chief for one day and there was a little parade for him, even!! (but it's probably close by that time, so we can't go in. >_<) [pics of the digital numbers wall:
Asahi TV Station (FRONT)
Ever Changing Numbers
Asahi TV Station (BACK) [COOL!!!!!]

and then we go see the Starlight Garden... UWAAAAA!!!
SUGOI!!! HOUNTO NI!!! *______*

really amazing, how they make the lights form patterns and 'fly' around like that!!!!! we both got so HYPER!! xD we keep going "sugoi!" and "ah!!" and "kire!" ...and since it's so dark and crowded...toma holds my hand most of the time, as we walk around.....

[you can watch a little bit of the champs-elysees lights and the Starlight Garden here:
[cool lights "flying" f/1 tree to the next!!]
[MUSTTTTTT WATCH!!!! THIS STARLIGHT GARDEN IS SO COOL!!!!!!!!!!!! AND PRETTYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! the first video here. and the 6. 2009 Christmas eve in Tokyo, too, so pretty!!!

pics of the Starlight Garden: [lit up trees too] [lit up trees too] [roppongi lovers] [the tree] [shooting stars design] [the whole place...] ]

Everywhere we go, i took pictures...and i tried to take pics of us together a lot too. we took lots of cute pictures together.... ~_~ we also stopped at a photo booth to take some silly/cute pics together....making pouty/chuu (kissy) faces, hugging, making peace signs.... xD

[photo booths and what the pics might look like:

booths in japan
[u can draw (choose emoticons and hearts and stuff...) on yr pics after that!!]

I look at my watch after a's exactly 10:07pm!! ah, toma's birthday....i hope i can actually celebrate his birthday with him this year....that would awesome!! ^_^

[pics of HMV:
Inside HMV Shibuya]

since we met in a CD store last year, we decide to go to a CD store next. we go to the huge, 6-story HMV CD/DVD store, near the shibuya station. i wanted to go back to the small CD store where we met, but toma says it's probably closed now, so.....maybe next time! toma gets all hyper, looking at lots of different CDs of his favorite bands... ^_^ ahhh, i love hyper toma!!

and being in a CD store with him...natskashi!!! i remember that moment, when i first saw him in that CD store on that rainy day last year, today!! [see my 1st fanfic to see what happened then!!]

since i bought him a CD last year, toma says he'll buy one for me this time. i only want Arashi's All the Best! 1999-2009 CD (their 10th anniversary, 2 CD collection). ^_^ but toma also hands me yamashita's Loveless single. to support yamashita, he cheerfully says. lol. toma....always helping promote yamashita's stuff!!

i'm a little nervous, though, being here with's so brightly lit up and crowded here....will anybody notice toma....and wonder who am i....the girl he's happily talking to....but luckily, no one seems to notice us.... actually, as is usually the case with toma (and most japanese stars?) even if they recognize him, girls are too shy to come up and talk to him....thank goodness!!

toma wanted to stay there longer, but i reminded him it's getting late...we still want to go to 1 more place....toma makes a cute pouting/unhappy face, but agrees that it's time to go. =P and so toma pays for the CDs and we leave...he still bought so many CDs and DVDs in just half an hour! haha. [the trains stop running around midnight, but the closer it is to midnight, the more crowded and uncomfortable it gets on the trains!]

11:12pm @ a really pretty xmas tree in Odaiba

[this one:]

[ODAIBA view: replication of statue of liberty + rainbow bridge]

not sure if the xmas tree in this pic @odaiba looks the same every year or not....and the timing might not work out, cuz maybe u can't go to odaiba after 11pm by monorail....but maybe u took a just imagine it's any pretty xmas tree in tokyo! haha.

btw, Fuji TV's headquarters is also at odaiba!! in this fanfic, there's no time to go there, and it's closed by then anyway, but here are some awesome pics/info about it. a pretty cool place!! the building looks so futuristic, haha...i wanna go there!! the place toma's been to so many times... where he filmed for hana kimi, honey & clover, voice, majo saiban, etc. ah..... *adds it to the list of places i wanna visit in 2014 xD*

[File:Fuji TV headquarters and Aqua City Odaiba - 2006-05-03 edit2.jpg

Odaiba - Fuji TV building
[Fujitelevision02f] [night!!]

We walk towards the christmas tree. there's not much people around... i shiver a little from the cold... and i stop to tie my shoelaces. toma doesn't notice and keeps walking towards the tree... i finish tying my shoelaces, and i look at the crisscrossing ring again, on my's really pretty. and knowing toma wore it for the 3 months of filming...this ring worked hard, along with toma!! lol. i glance up...toma is checking his messages on his phone, near the tree. toma... i slip the ring off and put it back ring finger. and i start walking towards the tree...right then, toma turns around, sees me, smiles, and calls me over...

toma: [yr name]! kochi koi~! (he cutely gestures "come here" like this:]

me: (kyaa!! *_*) hai~! (runs over to him)

Toma takes out his cell phone and gestures for me to come closer, to taka picture together. i stand close to him, and he puts his arm around me, pulls me a little closer, and holds up his phone and takes a picture. *click* we look at it. the xmas tree is right behind us. both of us are making cute pouty faces. haha. we both say "kawaii!" at the same time and laugh. ^_^ and toma sends the pic to my phone. he sets it as his new cell phone wallpaper, and i do too! :D i look at the xmas tree...ahh...

me: (cheerfully) kire...

toma: (smiles) hai~

we stare at the christmas tree for a while...i glance down at my shines so beautifully under the light of the tree!! i look up at the night sky...some clouds drifting by and the bright stars.....i wonder...if it could be possible. that years from now, toma and i would be standing here again, but as...husband and wife...?? ahhhh...

Suddenly, we see a bright shooting star streak across the sky, right above us!!

me: SUGOI!!
toma: UWAA!!

i quickly close my eyes and clap my hands together (as if praying at a shrine) and make a wish. the first thought that jumped into my mind...i open my eyes.

toma: (looks at me, smiling) what did you wish for?

me: (smile) jitsuwa...for toma and yamashita to be able to sing together at a concert soon!!

toma: (surprised, touched) ehh...maji des?

me: hounto da! (ah, toma was so happy and hyper singing and dancing with yamashita at his concert... for toma...i made this wish!! i want to see him so very happy like that more often....and i LOVE seeing toma singing and dancing, of course!! kakkoii!!!)

toma: (smiles) arigatou ne~! ah...i have a feeling that your wish will come true soon... (18)

me: (cheerfully) eh? i really hope so!! toma wa? what did u wish for?

toma: eto...i couldn't think of anything. (cheerfully) but since you made a wish for me, then i'll make one for you! (smiles)

me: hai! (i smile at him. oh, only wish is that i could see you more this year...)

toma: (closes his eyes, claps his hands together....and he opens it again. he cutely smiles at me~) done!

me: ehh...what did you wish for??

toma: (cutely pouts, then sweetly says~) for [yr name] be able to spend more time with her boyfriend in tokyo this year ne~.

me: (*blush*, looking down, quietly~) ah...arigatou ne~.

Toma looks around...we're the only 2 people left here. he comes closer to me and holds my left hand, smiling so sweetly at me!! kawaii!! he's so gorgeous, especially in this glowing light!!! and he looks down, noticing i'm wearing the ring on my ring finger.

toma: (looks back up at me, a little surprised) eh?

me: (embarassed, nervously) uh...sonna jun nayo! fits better on this finger so...

toma: (looks down shyly, bites his lip, then looks at me and pouts, with a look on his face like, "i know you're making that up...just admit it, you want to marry me!")

me: uh...hounto ni! ...nevermind, i'll put it back on the other finger... (i quickly take off the ring)

toma: iie~ (gently holds my hand, stopping me. he quietly says~) it looks better on this finger ne~ (smiles sweetly)

me: eh?

toma: (a serious look on his face) here, let me... (he takes the ring from me. and he carefully slips the ring onto my ring finger....!!)

me: (GAH!! he really did it!! TOMA, I'D MARRY YOU RIGHT NOW, IF U ASKED ME!! i feel like crying again, but i stop myself...)

(softly) toma... (i stare at him)

Toma smiles cutely and holds my hand firmly. i smile back at him....ahhhh... surely he will be a perfect husband and father....i'm so happy...but feeling so overwhelmed...a little tired...i try to fight it, but i can't. i cover my mouth and yawn.

me: (embarassed) sumimasen! i've had trouble sleeping... (i haven't been getting much sleep. it always happens when i'm staying at a hotel.)

toma: (looks at his watch. it's 11:22pm. a little reluctantly~) yabun...okurimas.

me: (shake my head) no, i want to stay with you a little longer, toma. (i gently hold on to his arm)

toma: (smiles, and sweetly~) ore mou...(thoughtfully) ah, i guess it's ok, tomorrow's a holiday...but you look tired. we could just see each other tomorrow, you know...

me: (smiles) daijoubu, i'm not that tired. (ah, we can meet again tomorrow!!! ^__^ hurray for the emperor's birthday!!!) there's a cafe near my hotel that's open late. let's go have some coffee or something!

toma: (smiles) iyo.

We look at the xmas tree once more, and then we turn to walk away... toma is still holding my hand...

a little later...@ (on) a train

We're sitting closely next to each other on the train...yappari, it's quite crowded, but quite quiet....people are mostly reading or looking at their phones again...or sleeping. toma playfully nudges me with his shoulder. ~_~ [we're whispering to each other again...]

me: (turns and smiles at him) eh?

toma: (pouts cutely) i've thought of a request for you...

me: nani ga?

Toma leans closer to me, cupping his hand next to my ear...and he pauses...then lightly blows in my ear!!♥♥ GAH!! *_*

me: ah~ (*melts* i sink in my seat a little, and quickly cover my ear...softly~) toma! nanideshthindayo?? (ah...could you do that again??)

toma: (laughs) gomen... no, seriously...(he looks around and carefully pulls his bag and my bag, on our laps, over a little, to cover part of his right arm (and hand) and my left arm (and hand)...

me: mou... (*doki doki* *blush*!!!♥♥)

toma: (lightly touches my hand...kyaa!! i have a weakness for light body touches too, especially if it's toma's touch!! he leans over and cups his hand over my ear again, and says~) i want you to come see me when Ningen Shikkaku is released in February. (looks at me and smiles)

me: (EHHHHH!!! i look at him, surprised...)

toma: (with a serious look on his face) because i want to see you that day~. it's such an important day in my life...soshitte...i need be here with me that day...knowing you're close by, i'd feel less nervous, i think...

me: (incredibly touched~) toma...ano...i'm not sure...
(toma, i'd do anything for you, but this is....a big request...i'm not sure if i can do it. but i really really want to!!)

toma: (pouts) you promised! this isn' unreasonable request, right?

me: i really want to come, toma!! hounto ni...kedo...the airplane ticket is quite expensive, and...

toma: ja, then i'll pay for half of it for you!

me: demo...i still have to check my schedule....what if i'm busy then...i...i can't just fly here anytime i want (at least for now)...

toma: (looks down, sadly~) souka...wakarimashita...

me: (awww... i can't stand to see him sad like this!! what am i thinking...what could be more important than being here to support him on such an important day in his life??! and i would so LOVE to watch the movie as soon as possible, in a theatre (instead of on DVD or something), especially with toma right next to me!!!)

(i lightly tug at the end of his jacket sleeve...he looks at me. i softly say~) actually, i can probably come after all...gambatte ikemas. (smiles)

toma: (he smiles, but then pouts unhappily, looking down again)

me: (yappe...toma, please don't be sad! i'll go!! i'll come for sure, no matter what~...i gently hold his hand. he turns around and looks at me. i say in a firm voice~) eh, ikemas, ikemas! i'll see you on february 20. kitto~ (19)

toma: (smiles sweetly, holding my hand tightly) hounto?

me: (smiles) hai!
(ahh, toma, yappari i can't say no to you.)

toma: (smiles, in a sweet voice) yokatta ne~

me: atashi mou! i'm so happy i can watch toma's first movie on the big screen in a theatre, very soon!! (i'm sure toma can't actually take me to the movie premiere....i think he means watch it with him sometime that day, or just be with him sometime that day....i'm sure he'll be super busy that day...but i'll be happy to wait for him and support him from close by!)

toma: i want to watch it with you...though it's embarassing for me to watch myself in a movie (scratches behind his ear)...but i want to know what you think of it...of my performance...

me: (smiles) i'm sure i'll love it, toma! and i'm sure you'll be brilliant in it...
(ah, but i'm worried about his intimate scenes with all those women....ehhh....i will surely get crazy jealous!!! in fact, i'm already jealous, seeing the preview trailer! toma hugging (he's crying though!) a woman like that on a bed!!! X__x but...if toma's sitting right next to me in the theatre, i guess that's better...cuz clearly, toma is toma. toma is not really youzou! i've got to remember that...)

toma: (leans closer to me, gently touches my arm, softly~) i'm really happy you'll come...can you...come on friday and stay for the entire weekend? [the movie is released on feb.20, saturday.]

me: (*doki doki* kyaa!! he's so cute!!) definitely! (smiles sweetly)

toma: (he smiles...and looks at me intently...he tilts his head, leans close to me, and whispers in my ear~) i'm really happy that you're my girlfriend ne~

me: (toma...! i thought he was gonna kiss me! but this is even better...i smile at him, nodding, and quietly say~) atashi mou~ (THE UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE YEAR!!)

Toma lingers close to me for a moment,and we look at each other......i...i love him so much. then he pulls back, smiling to himself...i can't help myself...i lean on his shoulder and gently hold on to his arm (the part covered by our bags)...i'm so happy...but i'm still tired...i yawn.

me: (cover my mouth as i yawn. then hold on to his arm with both my hands again) gomen, i'm a little sleepy...

toma: (looks down at me, patting my head, pursing his lips) ore mou. ja~ let's sleep for a little while...(he sets the alarm on his phone to ring when it's time to get off at our stop...)

me: (smiles at him) mm! (ah...his shoulder is so comfortable...)

I close my eyes...i feel so safe and warm with toma...leaning on his shoulder, holding on to his arm like this...toma looks down at me and smiles sweetly...and he closes his eyes and gently leans his head on mine, cutely rubbing his head against mine a little... (20) before i drift off to sleep, i feel toma's touch...he gently places his hand on top of mine...

toma, actually....i should not have said "suki" or even "daiski" to you earlier... Because...toma...aishiteru. maybe i will be able to tell you this...when i see you in february...

(this is not really~)
The End.

...............................a message To~ everyone, from~ kate.♥

well, i'm so close to finishing writing my story now!! somehow, i feel like i should write this message before i actually finish... ano...i really tried my best to make this fanfic a really sweet story that everyone could enjoy!! so it makes me so happy to read all your comments, saying you like it! arigatou!! hounto yokatta!! ^_^

ahhh.... it's been really fun, as well as tough and time-consuming to write this 2nd fanfic....but it's all worth it!! i really only thought that i'd write a short fanfic this time....cuz my aim was only to see that toma and i/you become boyfriend and girlfriend!! actually, that kiss... the nakatsu/mizuki-like kiss, was the main reason why this fanfic exists at all!!! i just want to kiss him so bad...even if it's just in a fanfic, i wanted, i needed to make it happen!! haha. also, i felt that kiss NEEDED to be continued/completed, even if not for nakatsu/mizuki, but at least for toma and i/you. everything else is just to lead up to this moment, this kiss, that i saw so clearly in my mind on that cold november evening... but as i wrote, i kept getting more and more ideas. ~_~ and so in the end, this fanfic might actually be as long/longer than the 1st one! lol. ah, but so many unforgettable sweet moments, right?? today, i was listening to a nice love song, and replaying all the special moments between toma and i/you in my mind...iya~ it felt so sweet!!♥

and it was fun to post up the story a little at a time....wasn't it more exciting and suspenseful like that? =) also, the dream lasts much longer this way! if i do write another long fanfic sometime, i'll also post it up little by little like this...

writing this story reminded me of the process of making a movie....everything takes like, 50 times as long as the end result.....well, not everything, it depends on the "scene"... but in my story, sometimes, very short sections, but if it's important/meaningful parts, it takes me so so long to write the ending, the last scene on the took me a couple hours!! seriously....I WORKED HARD ON THIS STORY!! i tried my best!! toma would be proud.♥♥ haha.... now u know why it took me so long to write it....and that's not counting looking for pics/info of the locations and things i used in the story...whew!!

and i really not make the romantic things that happened...u manga-like or just so cliche, that u've seen happen a million times before...i think most of the sweet moments that i/you and toma shared was really quite unique and not too sappy or seemed forced right?? and they all a valid reason, the things that all made sense, right?? though i really tried to squeeze a lot of sweet moments in, for the ending...but in general, i thought it did a pretty good job in this regard??? i hope??? (please agree with me!^^)

thank you so much for reading and dreaming along with me all this time...i don't want this dream to end!! =,( (i can't believe it, i think about toma so much all this time, while writing this story, yet i only rarely see him in my dreams...nande?! i should be seeing him every night!! lol.) ah...but i has to end sometime...daijoubu....when you see toma in your dreams sometime (i'm sure you will!!), u can continue this story then. *_* (or just keep coming back to re-read the story and "relive" these moments with toma anytime!! actually, with my first fanfic, each month in 2008, on the 21st (=22nd in JST), i'd reread parts of my fanfic or listen to sweet songs and remember what happened in the story....i'll also do this this year w/this fanfic!! feel free to do the same!! each time, i still go doki doki...ah... ~_~)

the 2 tracks i listened to most (i burned a CD full of love songs/romantic music to help inspire me when writing. i kinda did the same thing last time.) while writing was jay chou's a secret i can't tell and ikemen boogie nights!! just FYI...if u listen to some love songs while really helps u get that romantic feeling ne...

i also sometimes looked at toma's pics while writing to inspire me...mostly the one of him the grey sweater, holding the ningen book...that set of pics. so cute!! ^_^ if u wanna re-read the story sometime, try listening to love songs and looking at toma's pics....i think you'll like the story more if you do this!!


So~ writing this story...i went through so many really felt so real!! i hope it was like that for you too~ i hope it made you happy, smile, laugh, go doki doki. i hope it made u feel sweet, feel loved, and love toma more... and since this fanfic would not exist if not for the 1st one, which wouldn't exist if not for a funny chapter of ellen's book (about a fan having a fantasy conversation with her) that inspired me to write the 1st story, i'd like to plug her book again here. lol. it's ellen degeneres' My Point...And I Do Have One, released in 1995. it was a #1 New York Times BESTSELLER!! it's hilarious!! still one of my favorite books ever, and i still laugh out loud when i reread it!! :D please do buy it/borrow it from the library or someone you know and read it!! onegaishimas! it'll make you laugh for sure!! :P

and at the start of her book, she wrote a list of things (mostly random. lol.) that she hopes the readers will gain from reading her book. i hope the same for all the people who read my fanfic, except the last one, please change it to "more fluent in Japanese"!! haha. here it is:

"I hope it entertains you, inspires you, makes you laugh, makes you think, makes you smile, makes you feel better about yourself, makes you more aware of your feelings, makes you love your brothers and sisters, makes you more successful in life, makes you wealthier, makes you exercise more, makes you eat healthier, makes you stop smoking, makes you taller, thinner, more beautiful, more fluent in Spanish!"
[credit: ellen degeneres, from her book: My Point...And I Do Have One]


ja, matta ne~

2010 January 8